Member Since: August 7, 2012
Answers: 1038
Last Update: August 2, 2021
Visitors: 33730
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The hardest part about life is going through pain, but pain is often necessary. I question the relationships I have with people. Why I am constantly left disappointed? Well, I think I have found the answer. It is because I have no control over what people do or say to me. I often wish I could change people, maybe if I tell them how they hurt me they would change for the better. In my mind I have expectation of them and they are completely inconsistent to who the person actually is. I constantly look for someone I can depend on but I have attracted unreliable people. I am a reliable and considerate person shouldn't I attract reliable and considerate people? What am I suppose to learn from this? (link)
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We often have little or no control over events external to ourselves. We cannot influence others except by force (physical or emotional), or with their cooperation and consent. But how YOU react to them is and will always be YOUR choice. Because by the self-same token, they have little or no influence on you. Nobody hurts or humiliates us without our consent then? Nobody drives you mad unless you give them the keys. We can only be let down if we have high expectations. Your expectations are based on what, exactly? Were these high expectations warranted by anything except your own 'wishful thinking'? If so then YOU are trying to project your will onto them...against their will...contrary to their true nature. Which we agree(?) is something we cannot do. So make sure your expectations are built on real premises. Or have no expectation and let them write their own narrative....then evaluate and decide. In an ideal world like would attract like. In reality consideration often attracts users. Reliability often attracts infidelity. So you must be discriminating in who you allow into your confidence and who you allow close. Those who have let you down have simply been consistent to their true nature, and inconsistent with YOUR expectation of them. I can see your wish that letting them know how they have hurt you would improve them. You are crediting them with empathy and compassion they do not posess, I think? Letting them know how much they hurt you will in such cases increase their power and diminish yours. Is their anything to learn? Perhasp that your sphere of true influence contains only yourself. But when all is said and done, that is all it HAS TO contain. How you react....YOUR choice. Always. Re REPLY. OF COURSE YOUR PROBLEM IS SPECIFIC AND UNIQUE. YOU ARE UNIQUE! ELABORATE AWAY BY INBOXING ME IF YOU THINK I MIGHT SHED SOME LIGHT. X
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Rating: 5
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Really good answers, I did have another specific situation I wanted to elaborate on.
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