Member Since: August 7, 2012
Answers: 1038
Last Update: August 2, 2021
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I started dating a girl in December, I'm not going to say all the normal love stuff, because, this was a normal relationship, we believed we were perfect for eachother, we loved eachother, ect. Her parents liked me, I went to church and all with them, they were Catholic I'm Baptist.
Well, she would always say how she's always hungry, she doesn't eat as much (later finding out they sometimes don't give her food for like a day or two), her parents call her names like slut, whore, bitch, just cause their mad or so, or they'd slap her, like, they slap her all the time when they don't get their way basically. Sometimes they whip them (her and her sister) with a belt I believe, but it never leaves bruises so she thinks it's "not illegal" because of that, but it burns and hurts her like hell. One time she said "my mother whipped me with a belt 15 times because I drew on the blinds"
Anyways on with the story, everything was normal, until the day before valentines day, her mom grounded her because we were 30 minutes late from the lake which was half a mile away. February 17th or 18th I forget, she got in a argument with her mom, as always the slapping, name calling, she was unhappy. We ran away in the middle of the night together, she said she was going to run away even if I didn't.
So, I protected her, we ran away, we were gone for 18 hours. When we came back, we went into the house and talked to the parents, well, the parents are HIGHLY manipulative and all so remember this later. The mother said how she doesn't even want my girlfriend there, if it wasn't for the dad she wouldn't be there, and responsibility this responsibility that, basically saying their all gonna die if she doesn't do things right, her mother is literally mentally unstable or something... The cop came obviously, the dad said I was a good kid he liked me and all, and we hugged when I left. Everything was normal.
The next day I went there, the mom was mad obviously, we hanged out for 2 or 3 weeks in a normal way. Then I had to goto another state for 3 weeks, I told them I was leaving, and I really was, but I had problems and went to the state over instead with my family for 5 days. Well, we snuck out when I got back because we knew we wouldn't be able to see eachother until the weekend, we always wanted to see eachother. This wasn't the first time we snuck out, and we've been caught 3 times before by her parents. They forgave us though each time.
This time, I lied to the mom sadly saying I was in Missouri. Acted like I was worried the next day ect, the sister had told the mom the truth I guess. The mother 2 days later (March 7th) filed a Protection Order, for no legit reason. Ill say the statements later. The P.O. was served to me March 9th
The dad, is like loyal to the wife because their catholic and all, not to bash the religion in any way. But he just is. I know he would never do this, he didn't file anything. Anyways I went to the house to reconcile with him and he just kept saying go, go, go bla bla no reason then just started saying I was too old. He knew I wasnt, he liked me, he was just doing this for the wife. Cops ended up coming I still refused to leave because I wanted to reconcile, then they tresspassed me.
Anyways, March 17th, I went to walmart, they were all there, the dad walked like "Hey (my name), I see you got a job!" What? "You're wearing your uniform!" Oh yeah "Well, bye!" he was all happy and everything.
After seeing me 3 more times he left with my gf to the car.
March 20th came, the P.O. court date, the statements on it were "Ran away, sneaking out to the lake several times, reporting bullying and saying everything will be okay" I reported her being bullied from people.. And they think thats bad? Hah. Well, the mom anyways. We told the judge about how their using me as a disclipinary tool, how they call her names and mental abuse, how I always just helped her. Not really detailing it but that's short for it, Judge said "Everything was in good intentions for her nothing was done wrong, all he did was help her." and set the P.O. for 3 months.
We got letters on March 24th and March 27th saying how they hurt her she doesn't wanna be there that they say their the "dictators" of the family and they slap her, call her bitch and slut, and that her Aunt threatened to kill me and has a plan and a gun in her car. And will do anything for her mom she doesn't care cause she loves her mom.
Sad.
April 3rd we violated it, she was being starved I heard so I was going to take her to McDonalds, cops caught us within 5 minutes because I "ran a stop sign", well I was on a slope. It was dark, so yeah.
April 9th, the mother chased me, followed me, I ran from her to my friends house and a cop started grabbing me for no reason when he came to investigate so I pushed him and got charged for assault and battery and a violation, went to jail for 6 days. I really did nothing wrong, this cop just started grabbing me then shoving me into the police car because I yelled my mothers number at my friend because he wouldnt let me call her, I KNEW the cops wouldn't call her thats why I tried. Cop wasnt listening to me say they were chasing me before all this, he detained me as soon as he saw me in my truck he said get out and I did then I was like am i being detained he was like yes. He cant do that without any further cause...
So yeah I was arrested. Went to jail for 6 days and now I'm under 24/7 supervision for awhile, we believe their going to give me probation in another state...
Well, we have around 3 open DHS cases on her, then 2 more from other people we believe. But DHS hasn't visited her since ending of March, its May now. And their all open cases.
Now here's where things get interesting, this just happened, and is why I'm looking for help.
2 days ago she showed up to my house, freezing, wet, covered in grass. It was a 4 mile walk to out here, through the lake woods and all. I was so sad I let her in, got her my sweats and got her warm, held her, she explained what happened how they hurt her and she doesn't wanna be there, she showed me a bruise which is the size of a french fry, my friend and her said it was bigger, it's 4 days old, still blood red.
Her mother ended up showing up, we called the cops, but she was saying she doesn't wanna be there they hurt her they hit her they call her names and just wanted help... A Sheriff came in, I was in the other room then because the PO, my mother was with them, my Gf had said all I've said how they hurt her and call her names she doesnt wanna be with them shes scared and unhappy and some stories on how they hurt before.
So sheriff took her to the police car and then talked to us then talked to her parents. There was another sheriff here then, they pulled out a letter. They talked for like 30 minutes. Now before we continue, this family is highly manipulative, believable, looks normal but when you leave their house their evil and hitting her. They've lie to the POLICE (not sheriff) to think were Sex Traffickers, idk if they believe it just because "were from Arizona" and my mother said it was okay if my Gf wanted to live with us, when she ran away, if it was okay with the parents. So because of that they lie about some stuff.
My gf said to the sheriff how when the police come her parents make them goto the room and their never really questioned or get to talk that the police and her parents just get along... So now theres gonna be more DHS and police involved I guess.
Anyways, sheriff sent her back with the mom, said theres going to be in-house DHS counciling, police, and all. It's devestating because my GF absoloutely doesnt want to be with them, they seriously hurt her. They wont let her go with her real mom the sheriff said "THAT IS NOT POSSIBLE" in a loud voice, because the mother lied to them we think.
The letter the mother showed them was a letter, in short, saying "I'm running away to see (my name)" which ruined everything I think. Because cops said she didn't run away because they hurt her, which is WHY she did run away, she told me, but yes, she came to me to tell me first, she wanted help they do hurt her.
What can we do?!
I've made about a 6 page letter to the dad since theres no Protection Order from him...
Were not doing this just so we can see eachother, that's part of the reason, but they really hurt her she wants out.
I have just turned 17 and she has just turned 15, at the end of April and beginning of May.
When she came here she said her mother had said "Now I see why (cousins name) mother let her boyfriend move in." (link)
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This is a complex and disturbing story of what appears to certainly be an abusive relationship. It also involves someone who is a minor (though she may not act like or even consider herself a 'child' that is the case). I'm not surprised you don't quite know how to handle it. I'd imagine at least 50 percent or more of women twice your age and with twice the life experience would struggle to cope. The relevant (in your country, I'm from the UK but I'm assuming there's some equivalence) authorities and the police seem fully aware. And I assume there is a good sized file on the family. There's generally I believe, good attempts made at first to keep a family (even one as dysfunctional as this one appears to be)'together' as it were and to address the issues via education, liaison, counselling. Authorities are reluctant to dive in and take a child into care until other attempts at reonciliation have failed. It's a sound policy, but there can be tragic failiures. In that they may be waiting for 'something bad to happen' before they act, in effect. And the event is sometimes very bad indeed. I think from the tone of your letter that this is what YOU are fearing? That not enough is being done, and it won't be done until it's 'too late'. Unfortunately you cannot say to someone of 15 "Come and live with me". Even though this appears to be an ideal solution in this case, mostly it would NOT be a good idea and would leave the opportunity for many girls and guys under 18 to be horribly exploited and abused. I'm sure you can easily work out how sick-minded adults might abuse this scenario? Undoubtedly there is the situation dreaded by all social-workers here. "Child at risk". Can you satisfy yourself in some way that they are monitoring the situation? Is there someone you can contact and express your concerns to and arrange a meeting? Possibly you could detail specific events when she appeared emotionally very distressed, and/or physically abused...give dates? Get your observations, and concerns 'on the record' and get confirmation that you have submitted them. Not confirmed by an anonymous 'office' or 'department'...get the name of a PERSON. Somebody who will personally be accountable for it. Insisting on this is a good help...it means somebody is going to be held personally responsible if it's ignored and things go wrong. And they'll have a heap of explaining to do...possibly in court! In the UK there are telephone agencies which any child can ring and speak to someone if they are scared, believe themselves in danger, if their life-experiences just seem unusal or disturbing to them in any way. They operators are professional, trained and have far reaching powers they can call on pretty instantly if their 'alarm bells' go off at anything they hear. Is there an equivalent in the US? I feel sure there must be. Get her to call. Get something on the record, some 'paper trail' that might be helpful, even essentail. And of course, you'll want to be her 'go to' girl if or when things get to the point where she feels in danger. Maybe an arrangement that you or a friend gets on the scene as witness, or she comes to your/their house as soon as possible. Make a big noise and make a 'scene', report an emergency incident to the police...hammer on neighbours doors etc and worry about sorting it out later if you feel she's in danger. In short, you cannot handle this on your own, you have to hand it off to authorities, believe that they are following the official procedures and channels. But get involved in these processes as much as you can. When something dreadful does occur, there are inevitably cries of "We should have seen the signs" and "We should have acted sooner". and "She slipped through the safety net". And so on. Don't get too paranoid...but do everything you can to make sure your friend does NOT slip through the safety net. Best wishes. You're clearly worried. We can have a chat (via the inbox) if you like, anytime. CJB.
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Rating: 5
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Thank you, there was no abuse, she lied about everything and I got in the middle of it. Lesson learned. :(
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