I am too old and out of shape to beat around the bush so I'll give it to you straight. If you want sugarcoating go to the candy store, you won't find it here. Sometimes a little good old fashioned honesty is just what the doctor ordered!
Gender: Female
Location: PA
Member Since: August 19, 2012
Answers: 317
Last Update: June 14, 2018
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I do basically all the housework - which I am totally okay with. I don't resent my boyfriend at all that I do all the day to day cleaning. He's not a lazy guy or anything, and there are lots of reasons our lives work out that way right now. If things change in the future and I'd like him to take more on, I'll talk to him about it.
But right now, I really, truly am happy just like this.
My problem is that when jobs require his input, or when he gets an attacks of the guilts and forces himself to help, he complains a whole lot. He gets cranky, he swears, he gets frustrated. There is always some sort of stupid drama about something. It's not that he cares about how the cleaning is done, it just puts him in a bad mood and it's really unpleasant. He'd be more helpful if he sat on his ass and just kept me company.
So, how do I get my boyfriend to understand that I really don't care if he doesn't clean (I know he feels a lot of guilt) but that if he does help, he really needs to calm down? (link)
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Find out the one chore he really loves to do around the house, maybe the cooking or the grocery shopping? Tell him you love the way he does it and you were were wondering if he would mind just taking over this one chore and letting you do the rest. He is probably cranky and frustrated because he really doesn\'t know how to do those other chores so well and guys really like to do a good job and be appreciated for their efforts. He probably feels like he will do all this and it won\'t meet your expectations and you will think he is a screw up. Guys think like this, really! How about it guys! Underneath all that grumpy, cranky facade they really just want to please you. If all else fails find a project to keep him busy on cleaning days! Ask him to change the oil or wash the car or something he would probably rather be doing anyway. You could send him on errands, give him a grocery list, anything that will make him feel useful while you gets things done at home. If you have a yard ask him if he would mind doing some things out there. Maybe he could start a small garden or a little koi pond, he could go out and tend these things and spiffy up the yard while you do the chores. You know him so I am sure you can find a way to personalize this plan where he will feel useful and appreciated and you will enjoy getting through your chores stress free! Good luck!
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Rating: 5
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Thanks. I like your focus on giving him tasks outside the home and I think I'll try that. I'm not really a neat freak, so I doubt my standards are too tough to meet, but I might be overestimating just how inexperienced he is at cleaning. Trying to find a project he can be the expert on would probably work well for him.
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