Member Since: April 3, 2014
Answers: 30
Last Update: May 19, 2014
Visitors: 2781
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I am involved with a married man (or was, or is?). Last week we spent two days together. On the second day, he told me it was over. He couldn't see me again, he hated the fact he was cheating on his wife, and it was killing him inside. We held each other and cried and said our Goodbye's. I felt as if the world came crashing down on me. I told him how sorry I was that we got involved in something that was against both our morals. He said he wanted to remain friends but we had to stop our flirting, texts, and messages.
The weekend went by and I barely ate or slept. Today he calls me (we work for the same department, different locations) and tells me he's not sure he's done with me yet. That he just wants an extended break. Why did he change his mind?
Some back story (without going in too far). I am married also. We started out as friends, talking back and forth at work to resolve the same problems. We are both over forty, with children, he loves his wife, I am with my husband because I am too afraid to be on my own (not financially, just physically alone). This is both our first, on cheating on our spouses. I've done massive research on why people have affairs, what happens in an affair, how does an affair end. I know that women believe they're in love, when they are really not (thanks to hormones!) and for men it's a break from the obligations of married life.
My problem is, now I'm in it, blind and dumb, but we click on so many levels (more than just sex). Why didn't he just end it and be done, why do you think he changed his mind?
Before you reply to my question, I know I am wrong, I know he is wrong. We are two selfish individuals, I deserve this, we are going to hell, etc. Try to refrain from putting me down more than I already do. (link)
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He doesn't have any self control over his desires, much like you. Ultimately he's just using you to fill in the boring parts of his life. And he is taking advantage of his wife by living with her happily married, while she is not getting 100 % commitment from him. Seems like he doesn't care for you as much as his wife, because he's willing to break ties with you on a whim. He's not afraid to loose you, but I'm sure he'd hate to lose his wife over you. It seems that you are helping him with sexual pleasure..thing is you fell in love and he is not in love with you. You also must have some self esteem issues he's aware of for him to have the audacity to call you and say I don't think im done with you yet, as if you're an object. It's even worse you would except this treatment. I think you should see a therapist and get some things figured out about yourself. You must know your self worth. He only wants to "remain being friends" so he can wind you back in when ever he wants to have sex with you. He's just playing with your emotions..and he may or may not be aware of this himself if he has any self esteem issues.
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Rating: 5
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Thank you for responding. I believe everything you wrote. I do have self-esteem issues, I don't know why I feel I deserve less than nothing and have been to therapist's. I just can't seem to put any worth into myself, again, I thank you!
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