I love helping people. I've always been a good listener and people often come to me for advice.
I am a married mother of 5 children 11 yrs-27 yrs.
2 are step-children in case you checked my age, I didn't start when I was 12 :)
Gender: Female
Location: Vancouver, Canada
Occupation: Realtor
Age: 39
Member Since: March 31, 2014
Answers: 29
Last Update: June 26, 2014
Visitors: 3805
Main Categories:
Love Life
Spirituality
View All
|
| |
I am a Christian and I'm working on being a better one, but I'll be the first person to admit that I'm far from perfect. I have debilitating guilt and shame about my past and even the way I came to Christ, even though that sounds strange now that I'm writing it.
I feel like everyone else has really great, inspiring stories and I have kind of a cowardice one. Long story short, I wanted to come to God for years, but thought that I was too bad to do so. Like God wouldn't want someone like me. I didn't have the courage to find out if that was true or not until I was sick and thought I might be dying soon. When I found out that you can be forgiven for anything, I asked Jesus into my heart. (I'm fine now BTW).
Getting to my problem, my dad will not stop judging me, or my family for that matter. He judges us for missing church and any sins we commit. He'll imply or flat out say that we won't go to Heaven because of certain things that he himself does.
I hope this doesn't sound like I'm being hypocritical and judging him, but he's got problems as well. He talks hatefully to my mom, he does rotten thing to people, he uses filthy language, he lies, he takes our things that don't belong to him and these are the kinds of things he judges us for. He'll come home from church and act this way. I've never habitually done all of these things and I've repented, but when I drop the ball, he's all over me. I'm not saying that my dad's a terrible man or that he's not going to Heaven, but I don't feel that he's in a position to look down his nose at me.
The worst is when he judges me for missing church. I admit that I've been bad about that, but church isn't the only place where I worship God with other Christians. I've heard that you don't have to go to church as long as you worship somewhere. It's not in the Bible. It's not that I don't like church, it's just a long story of why I don't go every single Sunday.
He's confident about his own salvation and that of certain people close to him. He just judges his household. It bothers me that he thinks I might not go to Heaven when he and some of the people close to him are no better than I am. It just plain bothers me that he judges me at all.
One reason I think it bothers me is because it makes me feel like such a loser. It brings back the guilt and shame I mentioned earlier. It also makes me wonder if I'll ever be the Christian I need to be. If my own dad doesn't have confidence in me, how strong of a Christian can I be?
What do you think of this situation? (link)
|
I have been through some of the same issues as you except the way your dad is was the way my ex-husband is. This is a bit of a passionate subject for me so I apologize if I get a bit long in answering.
Firstly let me say that there is no bad way to come to Christ. When you come to Christ, he washes you clan of your sins and makes you a new person. Those past sins that you are feeling guilt and shame about, no longer exist as far as Christ is concerned. Let that go as if you had never done those things and carry on living in Christ from here on. Other people may try to hold your past against you but as long as you know that you've been forgiven then you can just tune them out.
I'd like you to really think on this one thing, just because someone says they are a Christian, does not make them one. I can say I'm a giraffe but if I don't look like one and don't act like one then I'm not, right :)
I don't want to speak badly of your father. I don't know him but he sounds a lot like my ex-husband. A man who claims to be a Christian (often claiming to be a better Christian than others) yet constantly judges others and does not act according to his own standards is actually trying to make others look bad so he can allow himself to believe that he is not bad. Sounds strange but he feels insecure because he knows that what he does is not right but he doesn't want to admit to that so instead of cleaning up his act to make himself a better person, he puts others down so that he can feel he is above them. It's a very difficult thing to live with someone like this.
If he says that you won't go to heaven because of something you did, please don't listen to him. Only Christ can make that call, your father has no idea.
You mentioned that it's not in the Bible that you don't have to go to church, that's true but the Bible also doesn't say that you do have to go to church. What it says is that you should not forsake gathering together in His name to encourage one another (Hebrews 10:24-25) Also in Matthew 10:25 it says that where two or more are gathered in His name, he is there with them. Church is just a place that was designated to gather but is by no means the only place this can be done. As long as you have other Christian people that you get together with to encourage one another then you are doing as the Bible says so don't listen to your father condemn you about that one.
Your relationship with Christ is between the two of you and nobody else can know what he thinks or feels about you. If your father continues to put you down, tell him that you've prayed about that issue and you are confident that Christ is happy with you. Thank him for his opinion but know inside yourself that his opinion is irrelevant because Jesus loves you just as you are and there is NOTHING you could do to make him love you any less.
I could go on forever but I believe that answers your questions. Hope this helps.
Please feel free to message me if you need encouragement or just want to talk.
Blessings to you :)
|
|
Rating: 5
| |
Thank you so much. What a great answer. I'm so glad to have a knowledgeable Christian here that understands my situation and can give me good guidance. Thank you.
|
|