Hello. My name is Harley. I have a well-recorded history of not being complete shit at advice, and am particularly good with mental health, most kinds of relationships, and LGBTQ+ issues.
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A little background, my boyfriend and I are 24 and 25. A month ago he got his second DUI. He does not have the means to pay for a lawyer so I offered to help. I gave my card to him to give to the lawyer but I never signed anything allowing my permission and what not.
Anyway, today I find out my BF has lied to me for about the millionth time (my fault I suppose for sticking around). I became so livid and the first thing I could think to do was to text him and tell him I am canceling the payment to the lawyer. So, I e-mailed the lawyer and got the card canceled. I have calmed down a lot since and feel like the biggest bitch in the world for doing that. I feel that I overreacted and am looking for advice on how to fix it. Thought about emailing the lawyer explaining I just didn't want anything charged till I could read an agreement. I don't know what to do just feel bad for actually going through with it.
I understand my BF was in the wrong for lying but ultimately I could have reacted differently. Just need help please. (link)
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Your boyfriend is constantly lying to you. Don't blame yourself for that. You had the right to be angry-heck you STILL have the right to be absolutely furious with this guy.
You can't trust him. He isn't honest with you in matters that directly pertain to you-in this instance, your finances. He has no right to touch any of your money without your express permission, and doing so is a HUGE violation of your boundaries. Treat it as such. Get angry, stay angry. You can't trust someone who refuses to tell the truth. He is not worth your time any more, and to be quite honest, you need to break it off with him. A cycle of hurt(caused by lying) followed by forgiveness and self-blaming is indicative of an abusive relationship, and the fact that he would use your money to pay for his lawyer is just plain problematic. Not to mention the fact that YOU are the one trying to apologize instead of HIM.
Get out of the relationship. You've dealt with enough of his lying.
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Rating: 5
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Unfortunately, he is a self admitted compulsive liar. We are currently seeking therapy to hopefully find the underlying factor with this. As far as the money, I offered and would do it for anyone I care about. But you're right there is only so much I can do and he owes me a million apologies :(
thank you for taking the time to answer this
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