Member Since: August 7, 2012
Answers: 1038
Last Update: August 2, 2021
Visitors: 33767
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Hi I am 21 years old. When i was younger I was molested. Its a terrible memory and something I struggle and deal with to this day. I have tried therapist after therapist but i am always on edge and nervous and have anxiety through the roof. 2 years ago I met the most amazing man. We tried our hardest to have a relationship but I struggle with letting him in. It doesnt make sense but I trust him, my anxiety takes off and pushes him away though. He finally said he couldnt handle it anymore and until I worked on it and made progress we couldnt't be together. He means the world to me. But as hard as i try nothing works. Any suggestions?
Thanks in advanced! (link)
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What you went through was an awful and psychologically damaging experience. This is why every civilised culture acts to the best of it's ability to protect the young and to prevent the offenders from doing any more harm. By keeping them away from the vulnerable and monitoring known offenders. This 'amazing man' is perhaps the first, most important step in you coming to terms with your ordeal. He's right here, providing the motivation. Therapy is not, sadly a golden key or an instant fix. I wish it was. It is a two way thing, a relationship between therapist and subject. He (or she) can only 'meet you half way' as it were. The other half you have to provide. It's in your hands. Now dig deep. What happened to you is in the past, in the physical sense. Are you going to let what this vile creature did to you impact on your future happiness? Are you going to let him hurt you all over again? Are you going to let him win? NO. YOU ARE NOT. Try to 'replay' some of your therapy sessions. Try to let the ideas you discussed take root, and grow. You have the spur now, the motive. Seek further sessions if you need to, this time you have your lovely new potential partner as the goal. You might take much more away from them this time. Despite everything, you feel a trust in this man. This is such a precious thing, believe me. So many other emotions can be fleeting, deceptive....without trust. So come on, step by step, start making choices NOW that will work towards putting you back where you want to be. Where you deserve to be. Include him IN of course. Don't rush to force the relationship too far too soon. How about a regular little 'progress meeting', as you might say? Where you just sit and talk about all the things you're learning about yourself, how you're feeling. Keep your meetings informal. At home, over a glass of wine, or dinner, or both. It is hard to 'let him in' as you put it? I know. You've had your confidence, your trust in men, and maybe also in the whole 'fairness' of life in general, shaken to the very core. Step by step we rebuild it. Know also that 'relapse is part of recovery' in many cases, and don't give up. You WILL get there! X
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Rating: 5
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thanks so much (: you're such a kind person
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