I smile,laugh,love,and live in the moment. I don't think lifes worth wasteing on a boring day. I am happy and with who I am. lifes about friends who hold on to you,the people who you love and return it. I don't believe in changing for anyone, i can say that everything happens for a reason and if its not a good ending,then its not over. I Love music, and interested in anything to do with style,makeup,and fashion. I also love heroes, south park, and family guy :]. I'm done with the fake people,i've basically dropped all who never cared. and i'm actually happy,i feel so much better ! I've been through it,the friends,family,and the whole finding yourself. And i think Marylous Coffee is bomb.I have the most amazing friends; and i'm so lucky to have those crazy bitches >:}.I'm obbsessed with Harry Potter
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Teza
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First off, I apologize for the long question.
I am a thirteen-year-old girl, and everything is making me want to die. No, I guess I don't really want to die -- I just want the pain to end.
The main reason why I hate life is because I don't understand anything in school. And to make up for it, I work so much harder than any other kid would . . . but it's no use. I have a learning disability as well, which makes me work and process things slowly. I'm just SO SLOW AND STUPID! Ugh. (This makes things a lot harder for me than other people think.)
Several people hate me. I'm pretty sure my family hates me, to start with. Especially my dad. And I know all homophobic people must hate me because I am a girl who likes girls. But no one hates me as much as I hate myself.
I know some people might tell me to find a counselor or therapist. I already have two of those. But neither of them help me AT ALL. The first one just doesn't understand me, and he does a lot more talking than listening. And the second one treats me as if I'm doing something wrong by feeling this way. I have been self-harming for a while as well. But no one is helping.
I guess I don't have too many logical reasons to feel unhappy. Feeling like everyone hates me and not doing well in school do not count as reasons. But I'm just not strong like other people are. But what is the point of going on? Why don't I just die now so I don't have to suffer anymore? It's not like anyone would care . . . they all hate me.
I wish I could get help. But no one is going to help me. I feel so alone right now and just feel like dying. Right now, suicide is just a thought. I haven't acted on it yet.
Is there anything that can be done to make things better? I don't know what to do anymore or how to go on. But I will appreciate any advice. Thank you. And sorry for the length. (link)
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If I were to zoom back into my thirteen year old self, I would be feeling your same emotions that you are now. Really, I have questions on advicenators from WHEN I was thirteen, these same questions. I know that first bit doesn't help, but I can realize that a lot of people are going to tell you "you're only thirteen, this will soon pass, you're just a teenager" - all sorts of the like. And I'm going to tell you that you and I know it is not easy to be thirteen and lonely, or alienated. When I was thirteen, I felt as though I was looking through a foggy window, and seeing everything from far away, I had feelings of being disconnected from my friends or family. Most normal people get stressed and upset, then they cry, and they start to feel better. Then there are people who do all of these things, but there is always something bringing them down, a "raincloud" over them, if you will.
The first thing I am going to tell you is that you are smart.
You are smart for searching for an explanation, you have a sense of wonder and to find out the truth. Whatever learning disability you have, is not your weakness. There are plenty of different people out there, who all learn in extremely chaotic ways and at different paces.
Being thirteen and in either high school or middle school, you don't have too many options to see this aspect of life(truthfully, I hope I'm not sounding condescending).
In these grades, we all learn in a monochromatic way, all the same. But in reality, this isn't the way our society is determined.
The only reason why the seats are placed in rows in your class room are because they are preparing you to work in a factory based job. The only reason why you leave class from the ring of the bell, is because that is how the factory works. This method has been going on for centuries. Obviously, we aren't working in factories now- But this is a control system. A very old one, and faulty one. So please, do not base whether or not you are adequate through a school system that doesn't know what the true meaning of knowledge is. You do not need to feel hated for being different, learning wise or in any other way.
I'll say it again. You do not need to be hated for feeling different! Embrace it, be proud of your sexuality and your courage to explore. Like I had said,you are a wondrous person. I am not trying to glorify you, this is the truth. I realize someone telling you this over a computer screen isn't going to do much good in your real world scenarios, but please write it down. Read it every day. Write any sort of words that you feel uplift you, and keep it next to your bed. "Courage, embrace, strength --" To name a few. This has helped me even throughout life still. This is an ongoing battle, what you have. But this is your moment, there is always going to be a storm, but those words of positivity can act like an umbrella.
A lot of people embrace the gay community. Have you ever heard of The Gay-Straight Alliance? There might be one in your school. If not, please google that. It'll be a great way for you to see how much support there is all around the world, regardless of where you are at this moment.
Please dump your therapists and counselor. If they aren't doing their job, which they clearly aren't , they don't deserve your time or money. If there are plenty of therapists that you can research in your area, I'd suggest that you do so - if you feel that you need them. Therapy isn't for every distressed soul. Sometimes, you need to find another outlet.
This outlet MUST not be to self-harm, any longer. An outlet such as this turns your mental ailments into physical. Self-harming is a way to release endorphins into your body in a state of extreme depression. But like a drug, it is addicting. All habits like this need to stop, and the only way this can stop is to distract yourself. Write a tally of the days that you do not self harm. Keep track of yourself, look how far you can go after a week, month, a year - with out it. Make a promise to yourself, because you are all you've got.
If you haven't had an interest in the Arts yet, please do so now. Music as well. These two forms of expression are extremely valuable to someone who is searching for answers. You may find yourself relating and connecting to these two types of outlets, and it helps you discover new ways of thinking. And I'm not just talking the things you already know and like. I mean, actually search for new and innovative things. Look up philosophy, art history, movies that make you think. (literally, type these into your search engine!)
If you're not sure where to start, I'd be happy to help give you suggestions of art/movies/music/books that can help you through hard times.
There will be others like you. And they'll show it in different ways. If you start acting upon what I have given you, I guarantee you will find yourself and then find these kinds of people.
Oh, and try to run every day! Even if it's just for like, five minutes at a time. It makes you the blood rush to your head, it makes you awake and alive. Trust me, try it out.
Sorry for the length :) But I hope I helped some. Never hesitate to leave me a question in my ask box, about a more specific matter.
Thank you for your time,
xxKisa
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Rating: 5
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Thank you SO much for your advice! You are awesome!
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