Member Since: August 7, 2012
Answers: 1038
Last Update: August 2, 2021
Visitors: 33757
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( Im 16 year old female. I feel like i hurt my mother. If shes disappointed in me and you want to say she'll always love me but i dont care. I dont want love. I feel selfish wanting love from someone who i hurt. I didnt even hurt her, she saw something that wasnt related to her at all and she went through it. Why did she stop is a question i cant bring myself to think about. I get sick to my stomach. I could pass out from the pain ) I want to die. Im sad. Im scared. Im worthless. I have nothing to do. Nothing to give. I cause other people pain just by existing an i dont want to do that. I dont want to hurt people. I stopped doing everythig. Its hard to just get myself to sower. Whats the point. Some of the reason why i honestly didnt cause. I feel like a whole other part is the result of my own doings. Something so small and an invasion of privacy led to my whole life crashing down in seconds. What is left. I dont feel bad for me. I cant. I hate myself too much. This isnt something i can just learn from and move on. Its somethig that was invaded of my personal life, and i hate hurting others. Why was seen hurt somebody. It was never ment to be seen. I cant live with myself. I hate this. I dont deserve to waste more time and space of those around me. This is my punishment i guess. This is my pain inflicted upon me. This is whats happening, it is what it is. I cant change it. Maybe I dont deserve to be able to. I feel like this will never end. I cant die but i want to. somebody please, have mercy on me. (link)
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You certainly seem to be in very intense emotional turmoil here. You feel things very deeply, perhaps? Some people do so far more than others. There's guilt, self-hate,and rage and a big desire for some sort of punishment crying out of your question. You feel a worthless waste of space, don't deserve to be loved? Don't even want to be loved? Now listen...the fact that this event has cut you up so badly is a VERY strong sign that you are NOT worthless. If you were, wouldn't you just dismiss it? Say 'Hey-Ho! I made a mistake...so what?' You wouldn't care. Fact is you do care. Strongly. Ever thought about what 'love' really means? It means patience, understanding, forgiveness. The acceptance that we are not perfect and neither is the loved-one. How could we possibly DO anything to deserve things like this? Love just IS. You've done your punishment if that's the word you want. You've learned that the power to love gives us equal power to hurt. And when we love, hurting a loved one inevitably means hurting ourselves. And knowing this makes you a very worthwhile and precious person indeed. Try not to turn the hurt on yourself. You're right...you CAN'T change it. But it will heal if you let it.
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Rating: 5
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thanks for helping me to see this in a new way. i just HATE MYSELF so much for doing this and being this way. maybe you are right about the time thing but so far i still feel pretty bad! i guess that you are right because i don't want to die right now so time must help some, right? thank you!
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