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I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. lately I've been feeling like he's holding me back.
I've always wanted to travel and do things with my life. I never wanted to be the settle down get married and have kids type. Right now I work 50 hours a week, I'm barely scraping by. I'm 21 and I haven't done anything with my life at all.
My boyfriend has just graduated college. He lives with me and doesn't have a job, and I'm supporting him, paying all the rent and bills and food and all that. So I can't afford to go out with friends and stuff. Which, for him is totally ok, becuase he's the type that likes to stay in and watch movies.
I just feel that if I stay with him, I'm stuck with this boring life forever. But I do love him for his humor, his personality, his intelligence, the sex is great, and many other things. He is a really great guy. I'm afraid that I've been with him for so long that I've gotten comfortable and wouldn't know how to be with anyone else.
I'm just so lost right now and I don't think this little explanation does it justice. I don't know what to do. Any and ALL feedback would be great.
Thanks (link)
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If you're working 50 hours a week to support a household and are succeeding but just barely, you do not exist within the financial circle that you get to have the exciting traveling life.
This is more about you than him. You feel trapped by your life, not your relationship.
What's with the job thing on his side? You said just, it's September and he graduated in May? Is he job hunting?
Personally I think you need a new plan for yourself, and nothing you've said lets me know whether this relationship would work or not work.
But your problem now is that you're realizing that adult life is mostly glamorless. You had a bunch of adolescent fantasies about how your life would be, but you have not lived a life which set you up to be a professional who travels for work or to have the money to travel for fun.
Can that change? No idea. But if that's what needs to change, that's what you need to figure out. Don't put your unhappiness on your relationship here, because everything you've expressed says that the problem is yours and yours alone at this point.
It's not even defined. You want to travel and "do things with your life" but you don't even have things to list. You don't actually have a dream here, so what exactly could your relationship be holding you back from? If you were in here saying "I have this plan and my life is unsustainable with him in it, here are the problems he causes which detract from my ability to deal with the world around me in a healthy and effective manner" it would be different.
You are chafing under adult responsibility. Yeah, you seem to resent that he isn't contributing to the household. That's fine, it's a problem it sounds like you have not addressed to him and need to. So go take care of that and have a serious conversation about it.
Beyond that, if he goes out and gets a job and contributes and you can afford to go out and you still feel like this, it has nothing to do with him. If you want to get out more, express that need. See if he can recognize and change his habits to make you happier.
The best relationships are comfortable. That doesn't mean they're absent passion. You said the sex is great, so yours obviously isn't either. If you crave the adrenaline rush of excitement it's not his job to provide you with that. It's his job to go out with you to find some of it and experience it with you. But there is also a point to be made that it's not your relationship's job to satisfy every need you ever have. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices, sometimes you have to make your own changes to make yourself happy without depending on someone else to give you the motivation or a plan and without resenting them if it blows up in your face.
That's how life works.
Oh and last, great sex isn't required for every relationship, just for all the relationships where someone brings up sex as a positive or negative of the relationship in conversation.
If you both don't care, sure, sex can be sacrificed. You care. Good sex isn't optional. Nor is it a byproduct of a good relationship by default. The more you like sex, the more sexual compatibility is important. So, say, for me, it's absolutely critical. Bad sex is an absolute deal breaker, I cannot look at someone with attraction if they aren't good in bed.
There's nothing wrong with that, either. I'm allowed to have my own individual needs in a relationship, so are you. Ignore people who tell you that things which are a priority for you shouldn't be.
Thing is, you also have to be aware that they are YOUR priorities. They matter most to you, and you have the most responsibility by far to see that your priorities are met.
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Rating: 5
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Thanks, this is something I haven't thought about much before.
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