Member Since: June 22, 2013
Answers: 166
Last Update: November 6, 2015
Visitors: 8653
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Hi, 20/M
Me and my girlfriend (all but name) have been going through a rough patch recently.
I saw some messages on her phone at like 1am from a guy that she was introduced to at work. He sent her a pic of herself, and sent messages like "I'm not the type of guy that has sex with just anyone". I told her that I saw them, and it really upset me. Not only do I find it to be inappropriate to be texting someone else at 1am, but what really upset me was that I left hers, because she claimed to be too tired, at 12am.
We spoke and she apologised, and she said she didn't see it like that and understood why I was upset.
There is also this other guy, who is the boyfriend of a mutual friend. We went to a BBQ a while ago, and I kept telling her that he was flirting with her. I then saw messages from him, on her fb, at 1am, with him telling her that "she's cute".
Again, we spoke about this and she said that she didn't really it as a problem, and she didn't see it as flirting.
I'm worried that because our relationship status is not public (people just think we're friends), when she is nice to guys that flirt with her, may give the guy the wrong impression i.e. that she is interested, when really she says that she doesn't know the difference between flirting and someone being nice.
It feels now that she has really taken on board what we've spoken about before. But do I have anything to worry about? Is it inappropriate for a girl to be like that with another guy? My friend says yes, but my girlfriend just happens to get on better with guys than girls (I also get on better with girls than guys).
What also confuses me is that sometimes she will say "I can't just stop talking to them, thats rude" or "He helped me with my job application, I can't make it look like I was using him" which to me sound like excuses.
I just don't know what to think. Am I being paranoid, stupid, and jealous? Or are her actions inappropriate? I of course want her to have friends, but why am I being so paranoid when it comes to these two guys? Is it just because it happens to be that they were flirting? Or am I going to carry on being like this with every guy friend she has?
I should reinforce that our relationship is fine apart from that. She loves me, and I love her. She hasn't physically cheated on me. It's just this messaging. (link)
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Not sure what "worrying" means. Yes, your g/f is sexing other guys. She has been doing it the entire time you have been together. It's what women do.
This secret relationship of yours - why so secret? More importantly, whose idea was it that it should be? Her's I'll bet. And the reason why is pretty straightforward.
Try this for an experiment - stop supporting her financially: free rent, car, paying her bills, groceries, tuition, whatever. How did I know you were doing that? 'Cause I'm psychic, that's how.
Stop giving her money, and you will find out very, very, very swiftly where you stand.
Sorry man, but best you find out sooner rather than later.
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Rating: 3
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Sorry to break it to you, but I don't support her financially. She pays her own rent, groceries, bills, etc.
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