Member Since: August 11, 2009
Answers: 19
Last Update: October 1, 2014
Visitors: 2165
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Hi. My boyfriend has a really hard life, and I'm the reason he's not given up and tries to stay strong. If he loses me, he'll lose everything and I'm pretty certain he will commit suicide. But I'm not happy in the relationship, and I need to break up with him, but I know that he will kill himself if I do. I know people might say it's his problem not mine or something like that, but I still love him and care about him deeply. If he kills himself because of me, I will never be able to live with myself. I'm really afraid. He's not threatening me, he's really nice, but he has an awful life, and I'm the only good thing in his life. He has no one else. I don't know what to do. Please help. (link)
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I can relate to this because I was in a similar situation a few years ago. It would always irritate me when family or friends would tell me it wasn't my problem because I felt like, I love HIM, so his problems ARE my problems. I know it can also be hard to sacrifice your own personal happiness, no matter what the reason. That being said, people who would ACTUALLY kill themselves have a disorder within their brain that is causing them to feel that way. Even if you are the only good thing in his life, if he is in a place where he would literally take his own life, you are not going to be enough to stop him. It is not your fault that he is dependent on you. You have simply been the kind of person that he want/needs, and who can blame you for being a good person?
You have only 2 options:
1. Stay with him. And what does that solve? It reinforces the idea in his head that he HAS to have you, and that is not good for him. In addition, you are suffering as well. How long do you think you can keep him happy if you are not happy? He would feel quite hopeless if he thought he was causing you unhappiness and that situation could make things worse for both of you.
2. Break up with him. That could go better than you expect. If you sit him down and kindly explain to him that while you still care deeply about him, it is causing you to become unhappy. He should understand that. If he doesn't understand, that is not your fault.
I've wasted too much time taking care of other people, and I've learned to look out for myself first sometimes. It doesn't mean you're selfish. You have every reason to worry about his well-being and it may be hard, but can you really see things getting better if you stay with him? Good luck to you.
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Rating: 5
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Thanks that puts things in perspective a lot more. You're right. It's the hard truth I've been afraid to face. You're advice is really helpful. Thanks again.
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