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21/f
I started seeing this guy, James, about 8 months ago. We immediately got along so well and our sense of humor matches up- which is very important to me. Being in college though, I knew I wasn't ready to be in a committed relationship. With parties constantly going on, I was always meeting cute guys that I knew I would say yes to going on dates with. I've never been one to sleep around, but I loved meeting new guys. James was very clear that he really liked me, but I kept pushing him away.
However, since summer started, I began seeing him every day. Any time neither of us had to work, we were with each other. I got to know him so much better. Recently, I moved a couple hours away but have gone to see him a couple of times. Each time I see him, I find myself thinking how wonderful is and I can truly see myself marrying him. He's everything I want in a man, constantly has me in tears from laughing so hard, and I always feel the excitement I did when we first started seeing each other.
The problem is that I still get asked on dates by other men from time to time and I find it hard to say no. They text me and I flirt back, and afterward I feel awful. How do I let go of that? James' parents love me and they always talk about our future- which EXCITES me to think about! I don't feel as if I'm running from the commitment because the thought of being in a relationship with him makes me so happy. I just can't quit seeing other men too. How do I stop before I ruin my relationship? (link)
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First of all i would like to know if you have had a discussion with James about only seeing each other? If you have not, you should. He could be taking other girls out on dates and your feeling guilty for no reason. So if you have not had that conversation then it's important that you do. Just so your both on the same page about being exclusive.
If you have had the conversation or you do it and decide to be exclusive then you just need to explain that to guys that hit on you. I know it's hard and we all love attention i'm SOOOO GUILTY of this myself... REALLY! So this is what you need to do just explain to the guys that have been perusing you that you recently decided to become exclusive with someone you've been dating. Tell them you think they're great and you would love to stay in touch as friends but you are now in a committed relationship. If you can't do it in person or on the phone then take advantage of text messaging! Some of them will still want to hang out and have coffee or whatnot as friends but the sad truth is that most of them will stop contacting you.
On the up side having the "conversation," about being exclusive will give you a new found confidence about your relationship. You will be able to turn down other opportunities easer when you feel confident about being on the same page with your boyfriend. Also once you do it once you will feel a big weight of guilt lift off your shoulders and it will be easer to do it in the future. You will associate the honesty of disclosure with a good feeling that feels even better then attention because it doesn't come with guilt.
If your still having problems sending that text that discloses your relationship status, try this. Think about how deceived you would feel if your boyfriend was leading on other girls and do it for him. Think about how deceived you would feel if you found out a guy you were really into had a girl friend? You seem like a compassionate caring person. If you connect to that part of yourself it will be much easer to do the right thing and disclose.
Good luck honey and don't forget the most important thing HAVE THE CONVERSATION WITH JAMES!! (only if you haven't already)
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