Member Since: January 22, 2013
Answers: 70
Last Update: May 19, 2016
Visitors: 3980
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I am a 17 year old boy. I have been with my girlfriend for about 5 months now. When we first started dating, she was really into me but I was still a bit iffy, which probably was a mistake. Since then, she has really fallen in love with me and tells me often, but I don't quite feel the same way. I do love her and care about her a lot, but just don't feel as good about the relationship as I used to. The only thing is, dating me took her out of a deep struggle of depression which included lots of self-harm. She is very happy to be with me, but I am scared that I am her only sense of happiness and breaking up with her will send her back into depression and she may hurt herself, or worse. The one time we discussed breaking up, she cut herself, but then regretted it and told me she would never do it again. But still. What do I do? I feel pressured to stay in the relationship, and I am still not 100% sure if I want it to end. (link)
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I'm a girl, but I've been in a similar position. My (now ex) boyfriend used to talk about suicide whenever we would get into arguments. I wasn't entirely sure that I wanted to break up with him, and I was worried that he would attempt suicide, so I was also afraid of breaking up with him. Eventually, I couldn't take it anymore, and I broke up with him. He didn't take it well, but he didn't harm himself, either.
First of all, you have to be 100% sure you want to break up. Otherwise, you may quickly get back together and have one of those annoying on-again, off-again relationships. I would talk to a friend about your reasons for wanting to call it quits, and then asking them what you should do. If you hesitate at their answer (like if they say you should stay together, and you start thinking of reasons why you SHOULDN'T be together, then you probably truly don't want to be with her, and vice-versa).
I would also speak to her about it. If you're familiar with any of her friends, perhaps they can help you with this; talk to her about how you want her to be happy, but you really feel like you need time to be single. Tell her that you'd like to get her into therapy (if she isn't already) and that you would help her talk to her parents, etc. Offer yourself up as a non-romantic support system. You need to help her find other ways of being happy that don't involve you. Her friends/family can help with that.
Good luck!
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Rating: 5
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Wow. Honestly, thank you so much. I didn't even expect to get a response to this. I am not 100% that I want to break up with her. In fact, the main reason is the fact that she loves me so much more than I love her. I am almost positive that she is prepared to spend her whole life with me, while I don't see us dating for more than a couple more months. I just feel like that isn't a healthy relationship. I have told her in the past that I will be there for her (romantically or non-romantically) forever, and I meant it. I just don't know if it would be effective, especially because I am leaving for college in August and wont be here to support her other than through long-distance communication. Throughout our time dating, I definitely have helped her find happiness on her own. I've showed her how to find the positive view on things and to stay as optimistic as possible, which is reassuring, but I am still conflicted. Again, thank you.
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