About LoveHopeFaith
I use the personal experiences from my life to try to help others. If I don't know, I'll do my best to research. I've found it's just a little bit easier to help someone when you know what they are going through. I'm a student studying education and psychology. I know life can be tough, but everyone deserves happiness. :)
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Gender: Female
Location: FL
Occupation: Student/office assistant
Age: 22
Member Since: August 7, 2012
Answers: 16
Last Update: September 20, 2012
Visitors: 2557
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I dated this one guy and we were really close. Bestfriends and boyfriend/girlfriend. It was perfect and fun and easygoing. We never fought. But he broke up with me for his ex-girlfriend. When they didn't work out he came back to me. I was so excited and happy. But over time I realized he changed and is (pardon my French) a big douche! He also gets high and drunk all the time. We both don't like the way we act now. (he doesn't like that I won't have sex with him. I don't like that he kept asking and started doing drug.) so we decided, without even talking, that we weren't getting back together. The problem is, is that I keep thinking of how he acted when we date, this sweet, caring, thoughtful guy. I really miss him and how he used to act. I saw him yesterday with this girl from our school who is lets say easy. He was flirting with her, slapping her butt, they were cuddling and at one point she was basically giving him a lap dance... I felt like I was gonna bawl my eye out! I don't like how he acts anymore but I still feel like I like him. How do I stop this? I hate this feeling and I hate getting jealous and caring when i know he has moved on.
It is completely normal to miss what you two shared in the beginning of a relationship. Those were good times and your mind keeps going back to them.
Sometimes for the best, and sometimes for the worst, people change. They grow and it's not always in a mature way.
The guy you dated WAS a kind, funny, amazing kid... NEVERTHELESS, the guy he is now is none of those things. I know how difficult it can be and I've been in your shoes, many people have, but it's good that you are seeking answers to move on.
The best advice I can give to get over a guy/break up is to
1. Cut off as much contact with this guy as you can. Do your best not to see him, text him, find out what parties he is going to, etc. try to get him out of your life in a mature fashion. If guys go to school/work together, be respectful if you hang with the same group but don't make much of an effort to talk to him one on one.
2. Find a break up buddy. Find one person that you can call whenever you are thinking about your ex. Find a friend that will help you get your head on straight, that will be your inspiration to get up every morning, dress in super cute clothes and help you figure out who you are or want to be. A friend that you can share things with.
3. Get rid of his things and do a complete detox. Clean out your room. Get rid of his stuff. Some you can throw away, some you can keep in a box and give to your break up buddy for a few months down the road, and some you can give back to him or donate. Clean out your closet and give to those in need and safe up money for a new wardrobe to look fabulous in. Rearrange your room if you can/want.
4. Get in motion every single day. Instead of just going through the motions of school/work. Find time to do extra things too such as volunteer work with animals, elderly, kids, or special needs. Volunteering doesn't cost anything but your time. You keep yourself busy, make new friends, AND help others all at the same time. Also, if there is a new look you've been wanting to try, go for it! If you've wanted to lose some weight, gain some weight, tone up, take up a new sport, get a new haircut, now is the time to do those things.
5. Make this about you and not him. It doesn't matter who he has become, what he is thinking, or what he is doing. Your life is about you. You can't change this person (who doesn’t sound appealing at ALL) that he has become. So don't get down to his level and try to see if you can rekindle what didn't work the first time. Focus on YOU. Do you love to swim, write, do theater, play soccer, paint, sing, play instruments, etc.? What do you LOVE to do and what makes you happy. Go out and have fun, I'm not saying get totally wasted and have a one nightstand or something irresponsible, but go out and just enjoy being with friends and do something new or adventures. Even if you just try to go bowling or try rock climbing or something.
My point is it's great that you want to get over him, and I feel the best way to get started on that is to make your life all about you. Try not to worry about easy girl who is giving herself a bad reputation. Neither one are your concern, you're much better than that. There are many other suggestions but I hope these help. Good luck! :)
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Thank you!!! That's such a great answer. Thank you for writing this. I'll try these things (:
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