Q: Well, I don't know what to put this under. So I am 22 years old and I am just now getting a bit more comfortable accepting my body dysmorphic problems. As far off as I can remember I've always wanted to be a boy. I was born female. Growing up was terrible for me, kids made fun of me up until junior high, for acting and dressing like a boy. My parents put a stop to it and told me to "act normal" or else I would never have any friends. For the longest time I've felt very confused, I just always wanted to appear more masculine to others and I don't really know or understand why. Putting sexual orientation aside. My parents and brothers and sisters would pick on me and thought maybe I was a lesbian. But when I told them I liked boys over girls they began to laugh. My mother even once told me, "Let me get this straight, so my little girl is really a little homo." Yeah, well putting that all behind me now, I finally moved out but I feel very distraught about it all. Living alone means I can finall wear what I want. Meaning male clothing. But I am very nerve wrecked about shopping. And about cutting my hair. In high school for my junior year when I cut my hair I was called a dyke all through out until graduation.
So I guess I would just like some tips or sites or books that can point me in the right direction of passing as a boy rather than having people view me as a butchy lesbian. Not that I have anything at all against them. I just feel terrible having to force myself to look all female. I've done some searching online but all I find are ftm but "lesbian" wise. Nothing on "transfags." One more thing is,I work with two siblings of mine in my mothers catering business. So of course I see them everyday for a few hours. I feel uncomfortable about it all with my family for obvious reasons. Everyone else in my family is, "normal." Meaning straight. At least that we know of, so it only makes me feel more alienated. I don't know what to say to my family about it if they ask. My youngest brother is support of it, he always asks me about it, and he states. "You'll make a handsome gentlemen one day sis." lol But as for my sisters and elder brother, they tell me I'm disgusting and to just be normal. Otherwise I will never get married or have children. Which honestly I don't care much for finding anyone, I just want to feel comfortable with myself and understand myself. I mean you can't love anyone else unless you love yourself first, right?
Well I'm sorry if this is long and hard to understand. But any help at all, thank you for it.
