I am an advice hound. I love to give advice, get advice, read advice columns. I love telling people what to do ; D
Truly, I have a love for people and an honest desire to see every individual excel and succeed in their personal lives, to shed themselves of as many burdens as possible and enjoy this strange and terrible and wonderful gift that is LIFE
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Hello; I have a 30 yr old daughter and 2 grandchildren (which are my world!) living in a home on my property, which I own. I pay all utilities and living expenses and have for years. My daughter is non-medicated, diagnosed bipolar, so she can be difficult at best. My issue is that both of her children suffer from asthma and alergies and the home is older, so for those reasons I feel it would be best if she only smoke outside. I have set up 2 patio areas, one in front and one in back, and she still smokes in the house. She has put her son in the middle and told him if he tells me he won't be able to see me, which broke his heart. He told me and I couldn't believe she would put him in the middle like that, but that's her. She also sees her estranged husband quite often and he is a prescription drug abuser. She was one too for years, and they both spent 30 days in rehab. She is still clean as far as I know. But, that situation also bothers me. What can I do short of making her move and losing the constant contact of the kids, whom depend on me immensely for even their day to day needs. Also, she cannot even hold a job, so I don't know where they'd go either. Thanks for reading! (This is taking a toll on my health too...stressss) (link)
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This is a heartbreaking situation. You are only trying to care for your daughter and her kids, but it seems that your helping has come to the point that its hurting. YOu have enabled your daughter by providing for all her needs while requiring nothing in return. She knows how much you care for the kids and uses that against you, which is horribly unfair, yet it is a situation you have allowed to fester. I see you have a couple of options: 1) You can call your daughter's bluff and kick her out, telling her to provide for herself if she can't abide by the rules on the property you pay for. My suspicion is given long enough on her own, she'll change her tune. But she has to know you are not afraid to risk losing contact with the kids for a while. Once she gets that, she'll back off. But this would take a lot of courage on your part, even a friend to help hold you accountable while you go through the pain of letting her and the kids go. 2)call Child Protection Services and report your daughter. Most often the children go to the next of kin they are most familiar with and grandparents are high on that list. 3)continue to be held hostage by your abusive daughter and just try to spend as much time with the kids as possible. If I were you, I'd be booting her out and let her see what life is like without you. YOu do so much for her kids, she would be lost. She has to know what lengths you are willing to go to make sure the kids have a good life, even if it means losing contact with them for a few weeks while you administer "tough love". Also, do an internet search for support groups for families of addicts and ex-addicts. It will haelp to talk to other people who know what you are going through. Good luck to you in whatever you choose to do.
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Rating: 5
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Thank you for your "tough love" to me! ;) I need to hear that sometimes. I did mention that it may come to that and my grandson (7) almost lost it at the thought of not being here, so that settled it for me. I will do what I can to intervene and encourage her to comply but I know for sure I will not be able to call her bluff at this time...maybe as he gets a little older. Thanks again!
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