della22's

advice column

about

advice

In 2 months I will be moving to Central America with my father. I'm going to be 19 in 4 months and I do love my country, how ever I just finally came out to all my friends and family here which was hard to do. And now I have to move with my dad to a place where queers and bisexuals and cross-dressers are not only frowned upon but killed. Every time I visit I feel out of place, I have quite a few body modifications; tattoos/piercings. My family such as cousins, aunts and uncles don't really mind I guess they got used to it by now. But everyone else stares at me like I'm some sort of freak. I'm very self conscious of how I look and I feel awkward trying to make new friends. Especially with the same sex since I'd like to have a same sex partner if possible. I just need some of the best advice possible, I don't like feeling insecure and anxious, especially since I'm moving with my dad is 'cause my mother disowned her crossdressing bisexual daughter.

f/18

when you wake up in the morning and look in the mirror, are you happy with yourself? sure every human being on earth has something on their body they would like to change, but overall...are you pleased with yourself?

if the answer is yes (as it should be), then why give two fucks what any body else has to say? why sacrifice an ounce of your happiness because of some passing glance from a stranger who does not matter. seriously, they DO NOT MATTER. your life will go on regardless of their view of you. at the end of the day it is you and yourself, no one else matters. live your life for you, not others. you can never fully please others, they will always have some expectation that you cant quite fulfill, and stressing about it will only hurt you. unfair , yes. i always liked the quote "what others think of you is none of your business." if they dont like you for you, fuck them, i guarentee you youll find people that do. they are the ones that matter.

now with your confidence and anxiety issues...i know this is said a lot, but it is a must to have confidence and inner happiness in order to have people to want to be around you. if you do not have full confidence, like majority of the population, then FAKE IT! no one will know the difference. others gravitate to people with a sense of confidence. who would you rather be around, the sad, self-loathing person, or the happy, proud person? your attitude matters folds more than your apperance. love yourself, and others will too. dont cut yourself out of life because of fear of being vulnerable. let me make this clear now, you will get hurt in life! people will say and think awfull things about you! put you down, make your feel like shit, and worthless. attack your looks, sexuality and overall being. most of the time with out hesitation. but....guess what....your still alive. you see? others can only hurt you as much as you let them (with words at least). always remember that those people that hurt, are the ones hurting. ignore what they say and think, because those that mind do not matter, and those that matter do not mind. surround yourself with loving kind people. trust that you will make friends. believe that you are worth the world. because you are.

now be smart as well. you said yourself that bisexuals are not very accepted where you are going. exercise trust when it comes to telling people your orientation. under these circumstances i would just be extra carefull.

if all my rambling hasnt helped thus far, look at it this way...if you had a daughter, a daughter you loved more than life itself. and she was going through the exact thing you are. your pargraph above was written by her...what would you tell her? what would you tell her to reassure her? to make her feel better?
love who you are, because why go through life any other way? some things you can not change, so move on. life goes on, as long as you let it and move forward.

i hope this wasnt too long and helped at least a little. i feel your pain and anxiety. every human being, regardless of what they look like, feels the exact things as you are feeling. its human nature. you are not, and never will be, alone. always remember that.

[view]