A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
Location: No where you've heard of.
Member Since: July 16, 2007
Answers: 2588
Last Update: April 13, 2014
Visitors: 98474
Main Categories:
Love Life
Random Weirdos
Mental health
View All
|
| |
Let me start off by saying that I have been with this guy for just over 3 years.
I really do love him.
I trust him more than I ever have many close people in my life. He is definately one of my best friends. I hate the thought of ending our relationship, but the thought has crept into my mind over this summer.
The problem is, he is pushing our physical relationship more and more. I think he feels left behind because his friends that have been in relationships about the length of ours have all had sex. I was raised in a Christian home..and I've always wanted to wait till marriage. It didn't ever cross my mind to not think that till this past winter. All the sudden I understood his urges..And Its AWFUL to control. Over the summer we went to far. There was touching...and he did some oral stuff with his mouth...and i did the same for him. I actually hated it..I cried for a long time after that.. I tried to explain I wasn't ready..and for most of July I was hateing myself for what I let happen. I couldn't decide..and last weekend I gave in again...and I feel worse than ever because..Even though I want to believe He is the ONE...I'm only 18. I know I dont want to get married this early in my life..but I still have the problems that come with being a teen.
My question is really...what do I do now? I would break my own heart to loose him..but I don't know how to make it clear (for both of us) that we went to far. We tried talking..and he doesn't understand my reasoning for believing we went too far. I dont like the feelings I've got right now...but I want to work this out. I have a really great relationship.. depending on me to make this right. I really do love him...I just need some help..HELP? (link)
|
God.
Adviceman! Shut.The.Fuck.Up. with your grandfatherly rape chat. Seriously? Don't tell people when they were raped. People know. You're offensive. And making grand assumptions which indicate a severe lack of reading comprehension.
Questioner.
This isn't really going to work. He does not believe what you believe or think what you think. He did not go too far. You did. It's your principles which were violated and you need to accept that and move on without all the self hatred. Guilt and shame serve no purpose other than to prevent you from actually learning a valuable lesson from the experience.
You know what desire is now. Welcome to the world of adult sexuality. I won't get into the religious part, I'm agnostic and nothing I have to say you want to hear. But you need to accept the fact that you followed a natural impulse for sex and intimacy with someone you loved and accept the fact that you want more and have to live with that desire unsatisfied.
You need to accept the fact that you're human and humans fuck up, as well.
On his side, you aren't going to make him understand. I get it, I was raised Catholic and know all about waiting until marriage and sexual guilt/shame. Anyone who doesn't accept the worldview you hold is going to have issues respecting your choices as much as you'd like them to. He wants intimacy, and it's not just about getting laid. People in relationships with other people naturally want to be emotionally and physically intimate, and guys are somewhat hardwired to be demonstrative with their emotions in physical ways. That and trained by society to be emotional mutes, so sexuality is one of the few acceptable avenues of expression available to image conscious male teenagers.
Bottom line, he wants something you want to avoid. He doesn't want to wait until marriage. You do. Break up, because he's not the one and if you convince yourself he is you'll be marrying him so you two can have sex years before you're anywhere near old enough to start looking at people with the perspective and maturity of a woman who's read for marriage herself.
Frustrated virgins trying to figure out who the one is so they can get married and fuck like rabbits (finally) is a recipe for unmitigated disaster in every sense of the word. If you want to stay a virgin find a guy who shares that conviction, because strapping yourself to a guy who doesn't when you know you want him too is a recipe for more self hatred when you inevitably bow to nature and physically express yourself again.
Believe me, he's not going to want to stop you any more than he's already tried (not at all, apparently)
|
|
Rating: 3
| |
The advice is somewhat helpful. I'll remember the self hate thing.
|
|