about

< I am a Christian and I am a mother >
Hello all. I am a 36 year old married mother of three boys. I have my degree in Forensic psychology and business management- human resources, I work in social services while juggling my three children and a marriage. When I originally joined this community I was excited to get back into what I love and that is helping people through listening, understanding, and guidance. However I quickly found that through my desire to help others, others are helping me. I have found my advice column beyond rewarding. I have found myself getting extremely passionate about each and every question that I read and respond to. The more the questions the greater the connection I have found between people of all walks of life, ages groups, races, gender, and religion. What I have found to be our greatest bind is love. Love for others and the love of being loved.

advice

20/f
I have been with my husband since I was 15 years old. I married him when I was 16. I know that I was too young to make a choice like that, but we were so In love. Everything was great until we got married after that he changed. It was like he had decided that he already had me so there was no reaso to try anymore. this june 22 was our 4 year wedding anniversary, we have two children our son is 3 and our daughter is 1. We both love our children very much, but I feel like our love for each other is slipping away. I have not been happy for a long time. He makes me feel so ugly and unwanted. But I am afraid to leave him. I have been with him since I was 15. I went from living with my mom to living with him. I have never lived on my own before. I am afraid that I cant do it on my own. I dont have a license to drive, I never had a job before, and I dont have a place to go. So I feel traped. I love him but like you would love a family member I dont think I love him romanticly anymore. He always puts me down like for instance we have not had sex in a very long time I dont even know when we had sex last, and I always come on to him and try to turn him on but he never wants it. So the other day I asked him why he doesnt want to have sex anymore and he said that sometimes he does get in the mood but then the thought of having sex with me turns him off and he doesnt know why. That hurt me so much. How pathetic and ugly am I if my own husband doesnt want me. I feel so alone all the time. I want to stay because I am afraid I cant make it on my own and I am afraid to be alone. But I want to leave because I feel unloved and he makes me feel ugly and He is very mean and aggressive with me. What should I do? Can anyone help me?

First my main concern is your comment: " mean and aggressive with you". I am hoping this is not physical but any form of aggessiveness is non productive and harmful for your mariage. If he is indeed physically harming you, this is definately something you need to get out of right away. Please do not wait until it's too late. PLEASE

However, if that is not the case I really feel now is the time to think about yourself and the happiness and wellbeing of your children. I know it's way easier said then do but you can make it. If he is a great father please don't use the children to get back at him. Although many mothers do ultimately your children will suffer and blame you as they get older.

My own experiences; "it takes one nail to drive out another". What that means for me is if you open yourself up to be loved by others the love will come and your feelings will vanish for those that don't appreciate you. Unfortunately we all make decisions as young people and in hind sight we wonder why. I think because you married so young yoiu never got to experience life. You have no idea what other guys are out there and have to offer you. You must know that you are a wonderful person with so much to offer. Why waste who you are on someone too ignorant to accept and love all that you are? Life is too short to be unhappy.

First things first, tell your mom for the safety of you and the happiness of your children would it be ok if you came back temporarily. Then apply for food stamps establish visitation/ child support and look for work or go to college. You can get free daycare assistance and then save up money and eventually you can make it on your own. It won't be easy. It won't be fast but you will be so proud of yourself and your babies will too. Knowing their mommy did all she could to make a good life for them. Believe me, you can do it and on your way I bet you'll find a wonderful man that loves and appreciates you for you and will treat you as a queen in which every woman should be.

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(Rating: 5) thank you for your advice.. first let me tell you that reading your reply made me cry it was so sweet and touching that a complete stranger could care that much for me. when I say mean I am refering to the things he says to hurt me when I say agressive i am referring to the pushing and occasional hitting or physical things he does to hurt me its not often but I know once is more than enough... thanks so much for your advice and for your support its really nice to know that somewhere out there someone believes in me even if it is someone who doesnt even know who I am :)
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