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i'm eighteen years old.was in a relationship for the past four years.everything was absolutely fine..till my bf decided it had to end(a week back).i kinda understand why he had to do so..and totally know he did the right thing..but i'm not able to let go..though breaking up was the most practical thing to do, i'm not able t accept it..and the thing that makes it even more complicated is that we had been doing more than just hanging out.so after all this..i feel like i've been used and cheated..i'm not able to tell my parents about it cuz i'm feeling guilty.. have already attempted suicide twice but it didn't really work..i have no idea what to do,, every little thing in my life reminds me of him..i wanna hate him but am really not able to...
and knowing that he's moved on is only hurting me more...i don't know what to do and i need all the help i can get...not to get back to him..but to let go of him.....

A four year relationship ending while you are only 18? Ouch. Ending a four year relationship at any age is harsh, but at your age it can especially feel like the end of the world. I just turned 19 and was in a similar situation, so I feel your pain.

First off, and this is very important, if you feel actively suicidal (as in, you think you are in danger of acting on your thoughts) you need to seek help from someone. You say you are too ashamed to tell your parents about the breakup, but they would really much rather handle the fallout of your breakup than the fallout of your suicide. I would also advise you not to tell them about your previous attempts right now, but please, don't kill yourself without trying to find help first. There are hotlines you can call, or you can visit and emergency room (awkward, but sometimes necessary), or you could try talking to someone at IMAlive.org. IMALive is very similar to a hotline, but everything is done through instant messaging rather than over the phone. The people there are well trained, and you don't have to physically speak to anyone. If you feel like you need help, please, please find it before it's too late. Your family loves you and they don't want to lose you.

That paragraph was long, but I've been suicidal so many times and I've seen the effects it can have on the people who care about me. Even just thinking about it often is something you need to take seriously and handle carefully. If you remain in this desperate emotional state, you need to see a counselor/therapist. If you find the right one, they can really help you and possibly save your life.

Moving on now... One thing that I must emphasize is, get as much distance from your ex as you can! Even if you want to stay friends with him, tell him you need a six month break from talking to him so your emotions can settle down. If you have special things that remind you of him, pack them away, have a friend hold on to them for you, or (if you can) get rid of them completely. You wont be able to eliminate all the reminders, but you can remove those hugely significant items like gifts he gave you or photos of the two of you. This will be terribly hard for you, but it is one of the biggest ways to help yourself move on.

Also, distract yourself! You need to figure out what you're feeling and come to terms with it, but doing that and obsessing about it 24/7 are very different things. Go hang out with good friends. Pick up a new, mind-consuming hobby like painting or cooking, or go on brisk walks or runs (depending on your fitness level). If you feel like you are getting stuck in thoughts about him, throw yourself into one of these distractions.

I'm not completely sure what shames you so much about the relationship ending that you can't tell your parents. You don't have to mention the suicide attempts. They've almost certainly been in unsuccessful relationships, too, so they may have helpful advice for you. Talk to them about it, as honestly as you can, and be sure to explain that it's really upsetting you and how afraid you were to share it with them. They can't help you if they don't know what's going on with you. And they can definitely help you, even if it's super awkward for you at first.

Like I said earlier, if you continue to feel this upset, you need to talk to some kind of professional. People go to therapists all the time with relationship problems or to vent stress. Visiting a therapist doesn't mean you're crazy or weak. It just means you are having trouble that you need professional help with. If you get really sick, you go to a doctor. If your car breaks down, you need to take it to a mechanic. You really can't fix it on your own, and no one expects you to. Likewise, if you are upset about something in your life and don't feel comfortable talking to people you know, or feel like they don't understand/aren't helping enough, you need to see a therapist.

Also, at the risk of sounding cliche, I will say...it gets better. I was stuck on the same person for a long time, and I was miserable most of that time, but in the past few years I have moved on. I'm happy now, even though, for a while, I felt like I had hit rock bottom and then started digging. It gets better. I promise. You just have to hold on and work a little bit to climb back out of this pit. And you don't have to do it alone. Trust me, there are a lot of people who can help you, who want to help you...but you have to ask before they can give it to you.



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(Rating: 5) i'll try talking to my parents about it...i'm sure they'll understand..and thank you so much for helping me out..
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