I LOVE giving advice so thought this was perfect for me. I actually came here to GET advice and ended up GIVING it. Ask me anything, i do not care what it is. I'm married with 4 kids so i'd be real good at relationship advice or parenting advice. I'll answer them the best way i can! Through my own personal experiences.
E-mail: christyjonescleckler@yahoo.com
Gender: Female
Location: Alabama
Age: 28
Member Since: May 10, 2011
Answers: 19
Last Update: May 14, 2011
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hitler_the_goat
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Okay here's the deal. I've been good friends with someone for a long while. Let's call this friend "Mr Red". We're fairly close and have been through quite a bit together. our friendship is still strong and tight, and we've got a lot in common, and many mutual friends.
A few months ago, I met someone, let's call her "Miss Blue", whom I am not involved with in a serious relationship. The circumstances of meeting her will be a little odd, so bear with me.
I first heard of her when Red was ranting about something she did. Apparently, Mr Red seriously dislikes her and wants nothing to do with Miss Blue. This is not new, and in fact.. the rest of the clique dislikes her as well. I've always been the person who really doesn't like to follow along with crowd decisions of that type.. since I used to be ostracized in grade school often. I remember what it feels like, so I try to give everyone a chance
When I actually met Miss Blue, it developed into an attraction, and now we're involved. Obviously, this has caused some rifts
To be clear, Miss Blue has never asked me to choose between her or them. None of the group including Mr Red has ever pressured me about my relationship with her. They accept it, and respect it, but most do not approve of it.
The biggest problem is that I am unable to include my significant other in my activities with them in most cases, since Mr Red is often around. Mr Red usually just refuses to hang out with me if she's already there, and leaves quickly if she shows up later.
Miss Blue is both hurt and upset by this behavior, and rightfully feels ostracized and left out. She feels very guilty that I need to take time out for her and away from Mr Red and the group. If I'm not caught up in something important, like just hanging out with the group, I often go see her.. which she feels guilty about me having to do.
She wants to be included, but also feels bad that I have to separate my time with her and them.
As for her and Red... she has tried multiple times to work things out with him, but he is simply stone faced about it. He's said in response every time that he doesn't believe her apologies and doesn't want to hear it. He wants her to leave him alone.
They have never been romantically involved.
My question is about how best to handle my place in this. Even with careful separation of my time between the two, she still feels terrible, and I feel like maybe I should be doing something more. (link)
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WOW, thats a crazy situation. First you need to ask yourself, is this girl your seeing (ms. blue) really important to you? Can you see you two really having a great relationship for a long time? If so, then you should talk to (Red) and let him know how important your girl is to you and if he is your friend he will try to get along with her and be "civil" when she is around and not make her feel uncomfortable. If this girl is that important to you then yes, you should be doing something about this. It also sounds like (Red) may be jealous that your girl is taking up time that he could be hanging out with you, but either way if red is your true friend and you let him know how important it is that you all hang out and feel comfortable around each other, then things should change. It all boils down to IF this girl is important enough for you to go through the trouble of trying to solve this issue. If she is, and RED knows this, then he will change his attitude if he's your real friend. Goodluck to you! -Christy
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