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I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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Theres this guy Ive been friends with for many months and been dating for over a month. Hes a frickin weirdo and my friends hate him. I come from a conservative New England town and he stands out in wifebeaters and skinny jeans. His friends are the same way-- weird. He goes to com college and never tried in high school, whereas I'm an overachieving senior heading to a competitive school next year. And hes not attractive. My friends are trying to convince me that he's not right for me at all-- and from what I've just said, its obvious to see why. But he's seriously one of the nicest people I've ever met, and the biggest thing is that we share the same morals. He doesnt drink or do drugs, and he believes in treating women with respect. He treats me better than my old boyfriend did. Should I pay attention to the superficial, surface things or just take him how he is? I mean, how many 18 year old guy will I be able to find who actually want to treat me and my body with respect? (link)
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Alright.
First off, the way you dress says alot about who you are. A dude who wears wifebeaters and jeans is putting the absolute least effort into it humanly possible.
Second off, the above assertion is legitimized by his high school record and presence in community college. That's not a shallow surface detail, his motivation and drive to succeed and do things with his life is absolutely counter to your personality type.
My wife and I work because we are both fairly ambitious. We both want careers, we both want more than the shitty community college we're attending because it's all that's local and we're saving to move somewhere that isn't a shithole small town.
You're a high school senior. Not drinking won't matter to you much in a few years when you can do it legally, where as being in a competitive school with a boyfriend whos wasting time in community college and working hourly jobs on the other hand you'll end up caring alot about.
And, forgive me, but attractiveness matters. I don't care much what other people think one way or the other but I care very much that my wife turns me on, looks hot to me when she dresses up, etc. She is very attractive to me, and that analysis comes from my most shallow side.
Treating you better than your old boyfriend did isn't a measurement of anything significant. I can tell you really have no clue as to what you want out of a partner at this point, no one expects you to as a teenager in high school. But this guy is not it.
Being a nice guy is not sufficient justification to be in a relationship with him. And "How many 18 year old guys will treat me with respect?" ...
How much have you really looked? Not much, I'm guessing.
The best advice you're going to get, you're an overachiever going out to educate yourself enough to have a career, to do something with your life that you will take pride in and work hard for. You don't need to saddle yourself with a guy who will treat you as the center of his life. Hes got little going for him, you will be what he wants to spend his time on. You're going to a good school, school is what you should be spending your time on.
And in a 2-4 years, when you're a completely different person from who you are now with some actual real world experience and a few more years of maturity what you want in a guy is going to be completely different and more involved. You'll want things he's probably never going to provide for you.
Walk away. Go to college with a clean slate. Grow into a new person like every 20 year old ever does, and find someone who fits what the new you needs, instead of tying yourself down with a guy who's barely good enough for the old you you still are at this moment.
And again...
"How many 18 year old guys will you be able to find who treat you and your body with respect?"
When you go to college you can date guys who are 20. Treating a woman and her body with respect is kind of required to not be a douchebag. Just because you're having trouble finding someone who measures up in high school doesn't mean your options won't change the instant you go to college.
There will be plenty of guys just as nice and respectful (and even straightedge if you really want to go there) in college who will also have similar life goals like career and family and anything else that involves having some small amount of ambition to do something with your life.
Don't chain yourself to a guy who hasn't expressed that himself when you clearly have. Unattractive is one thing, unambitious is a complete deal breaker for people like you (and me).
I'd also like to point out that the answers you rated fives come from a guy who thinks he treats you like gold (which is not the impression I got from you, it sounds more like he treats you with a level of decency that should absolutely be expected and required by you or any other girl) and two girls who are both your age or younger who have absolutely no experience with dating outside of high school and what they've seen in TVs and movies.
There will be others. And, sorry, I'm too much a fan of chemistry and attraction to tell you that there's something wrong with not dating someone you are willing to flat out say you don't find attractive.
People think you're being shallow because you're a high school teenager and you have no experience or knowledge in what really matters in a relationship outside of really shallow, surface issues.
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Rating: 5
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THANK YOU. I know this is a delayed rating but you said exactly what I know now. I took time to think about it and he is far from what I want or deserve. I appreciate you taking the time to write all that and will hold on to that wisdom for a while. If I could give you a 10, I would:)
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