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Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
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My wife is constatnly fighting with me calling me an alcoholic on a daily basis and throwing huge fits all the time about drinking. I am a well educated profession who drinks only about once a month, weekend only. When I do drink I will have several drinks, get a nice buzz, eat and go to sleep.
She comes from an alcoholic family (father, brothers) and says my drinking is a MAJOR issue, but I don't get into trouble, I do it only at home, I never go to bars, I dont drive or hurt anyone or anything, and I have a great job and treat her very well, and I only do it every so often, as I said about once a month. I see no problem except that she dislikes it so much.
Is this truly an alcohol issue or is this something that is about her and her past? What should I do besides stopping entirely which I dont think is fair. If i want to drink once a month on a Saturday after a long week, why can't I? (link)
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You can. Will your wife find it acceptable? Possibly not.
In truth, this is her problem and not yours. Being in a marriage though, disregarding her problems can damage or destroy the relationship.
Communication is needed. She sees alcohol as the devil, and for all I know there may be no middle road. You are not being unreasonable, but only you can know or find out if her being unreasonable presents a problem you cannot overcome together.
I think you need to assert yourself. I think you need to refuse to allow her to call you an alcoholic. I think you should probably see a relationship counselor together.
God knows if it'll change her position though. I'm an occasional drinker, and enjoy a few other things as well. I married a woman who is OK with that, and who is willing to share a little intoxication with me.
You didn't do the same. The question you need to ask yourself is, is the relationship worth ending over her being irrational and unreasonable? If this is a "major" issue you can't just do what you do and put up with her forever. It'll drive you apart, and I think that her degree of unreasonableness in this area will probably manifest itself in other places.
Get couples therapy. At the very least, see what a neutral third party telling her she's being ridiculous does. If she ignores any viewpoint other than her own, well the evaluation that comes after that is up to you.
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Rating: 5
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Thank you VERY much! She says "WE" don't need counseling "I" do, and she won't even consider it because she isn't "crazy" just me. I think I am going to counseling with or without her. Thanks for the advice, man, you really seriously help people here.
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