I'm a native New Yorker, but I've travelled around a lot.
I was a young HC/punk many years ago and it's how I met my wife.
I'm still married with three children.
I'm an Army veteran who got to do some pretty badass stuff and loved what I did.
I played for many years in a band and spent many years working at a rock club.
I had a good run, but now I'm entering middle age and working a menial job.
My wife and I still enjoy going out and hanging out with our old friends.
My life isn't as exciting as it once was, but I've got plenty of advice to offer along with some questions of my own.
Gender: Male
Location: New York City
Member Since: January 4, 2011
Answers: 15
Last Update: January 8, 2011
Visitors: 1803
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The fact that I slept with two guys before my current boyfriend bothers him. It bothered him before, and he accepted it. But now, it's starting to pop up in his head and he can't help but imagine it. Now he's trying to accept it again.
I would change the fact that I did if I could. But I can't... It's the past. I lost my virginity in the first place because of an abusive boyfriend. He knows that.
I told him the past is makes me who I am, and if there wasn't a past... I wouldn't have met him in the first place. I told him I hurts me that it bothers him, and that I said the present is the only time that matters now. Because we both love each other, and the past was the past.
I understand why it would bother him though, knowing the fact that your significant other had past loves hurts. But what can I say or do to have him accept it again and forget about it? (link)
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As a man who has been in this situation, I'd like to offer some advice.
My wife and I both had wild youths and had sex with many partners before we found each other.
That she had sex with other men before me doesn't bother me... though I admit the irrational part of my brain was always comparing myself to them.
The rational part of me understood that her past was just that... her past, and had nothing to do with who she was with me.
She thought no more about her past boyfriends than I did my past girlfriends.
But there is little that is rational when it comes to love.
My personal situation is more complicated, but I have some suggestions that may help for your situation.
As a man in love with a woman, we want to feel special, that to the woman we love, we matter more than any other man.
We are constantly questioning both our virility (no matter how well we perform) and our emotional worth as well.
How special is sex with me if she so freely gave herself to him or them?
Remind him how your past experience is not even on your mind when you are with him and how when you are having sex, you are only thinking about him just as he is not thinking about anyone else.
We men are insecure.
Open your eyes and look at him during sex.
Say his name when you're looking at him.
Even if he isn't conciously aware of it, it will let him know that it's only him you're thinking of.
Try different things you've never done or that at least he doesn't know you've ever done.
When we care about the woman we're with, we can't help but compare ourselves to the other men she's been with.
Trying something new not only takes away the insecurity of comparing ourselves to previous lovers, but also makes us feel special.
When you try something new, let him know that it's something new and that it's something you never wanted to do with someone else because you were saving it for someone special.
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Rating: 5
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Thank you! I love your advice. I'll definitely take it. :)
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