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Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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I am dating this one girl and have been for like 2 years now. She's been a good girl and I love her a lot. The problem is that when we first had sex like 6 months into the relationship she told me she was a virgin. It was and is important to me. And then today I was kidding around with her about she ended up saying she had gave a few guys head and had anal once or twice before me and her got together. Now to me that means she wasn't a complete virgin and it makes me really upset. Im so hurt. I really don't know what to do. I was a virgin before her and it was important to me that she be one too. I know I can't change her past but she flat out lied to me. She knew what I meant by asking if she was a virgin and she kept it from me. Should i brake up with her now? i don't think i can get over this lie. She should have just told me the truth and been honest. (link)
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:Edited for feedback:
You know, there's how you feel, and there's how big a deal it really would be in an adult relationship.
Point blank, if you're young enough to care about virginity and be a virgin yourself you're inexperienced enough to be insecure.
You want to know she's in the wrong. You want to be told that you're right. You're not going to get what you want. What she did, in all reality, is a tiny white lie in her own defense.
Yeah, she lied. No, it shouldn't have been a big deal enough that she felt like she needed to lie. Yes, YOU made it seem like that big a deal, so she lied.
This is more your fault than hers. You're the one who created expectations. If you want help, see a psychiatrist. If you want decent advice, listen to people older than you when they tell you that your righteous indignation isn't going to do anything but make you feel justified in acting like an asshole over a small lie because you feel betrayed because you're an insecure teenager who's horrified that his girlfriend had sex before he did like it really matters beyond you not wanting to be out-experienced.
Though, I'm starting to wonder why this girl was hung up on you enough to lie in the first place. You guys must be pretty damn young if she's lying to a guy who makes her feel like shit for not being a virgin to stay with him.
:/Edit:
As important as it was to you, six months in she probably didn't know if you'd stay with her. In order for people to be honest you have to be approachable.
Ultimately, you can understand that she was afraid of judgment and understand that the way you act contributed, both learn from it, and be more honest.
Or you can break up over a stupid (small) lie a year and a half old.
But you can't really be all that mad at her. When you tell a non virgin that it's important that she is a virgin, she's got two choices. Lie or risk losing you.
If you go around dictating what other people should be to make you happy or more secure, you can't expect that everyone's going to tell you the truth. Even if you care about them and they care about you.
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Rating: 2
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I think it's more than a "stupid, small lie" quite frankly. I know you have your own opinions, and that is fine, but I disagree with most of everything you say here. As the "2" rating goes: your advice isn't harmful, but it certainly isn't useful either.
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