I am an advice hound. I love to give advice, get advice, read advice columns. I love telling people what to do ; D
Truly, I have a love for people and an honest desire to see every individual excel and succeed in their personal lives, to shed themselves of as many burdens as possible and enjoy this strange and terrible and wonderful gift that is LIFE
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Member Since: June 9, 2009
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I am 19 years old, and I have been with my boyfriend (21) for the past five years. He has a full time job and I have been working part time while going to college (I am a sophomore).
We both want to move out together in the near future and have been talking a lot about starting a family. When I told him I still hadn't picked up my birth control this month, he told me not to worry about it becase at this juncture in our life he was ready to let whatever is going to happen just happen.
This has kind of thrown me for a loop, because I really want children and I want to have them at a fairly young age. However I also wanted to be settled before starting a family. Unfortunately I plan on getting a Master's degree, which will take at least another three or four years. I definitely don't want to wait that long, but I am worried about how my family and friends would take me getting pregnant now.
I guess my question is if it's irresponsible to have a child now, even though my boyfriend and I both work, go to college, and want to start a family? We still obviously want to finish up our plans, but want to add a baby to the mix.
Thoughts? (link)
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Its irresponsible to bring a baby into a relationship where neither partner has made a lifetime commitment to the other. You are so very young. Having 2 children of my own, I know intimately the drama and difficulties of raising a child. EVERYTHING else gets put on hold for a while and it is all about the child. I'm curious as to why the two of you would talk about having a child before getting married. That makes no sense to me. You're willing to give up an education (because trust me, getting a Masters while working to support a baby will be very, very, very hard) and your youthful freedom to make a lifetime commitment to a child, but you're not willing to make a lifetime commitment to your child's father? You'll bring your child into a situation that is not stable, relationship wise or financially or even educationally. It sounds selfish to me. It is selfish. I have no issue with you having a baby at this age. Its different for everyone. But to just throw caution to the wind and hope for an "oops" moment, when you don't even have a home together, let alone an engagement ring? Well, I can't show a crystal ball and no one can stop you from doing what you want, but if you could skip ahead 10 years and talk to your future self, I'd bet she would tell you to not be so impatient. She would tell you that at 19 you still don't really understand how drastically your life is going to change in the next 5 years, how drastically your feelings, principles and ideas for your future would change. She would tell you that being a mother is a wonderful privilege, and a baby is a miracle, and that she wished she had waited to be a mother until she had the time and money to devote to parenthood. She would tell you that you and your boyfriend have your whole lives to get prepared for a family and that, no matter how prepared you think you are now, you're not. I wish you could meet her and talk to her. I think you'd be looking at this whole thing a lot differently. If its the love of a child you're looking for, someone who'll never leave you, who HAS to love you, maybe you need to ask yourself why you think you need that, what has led you to this point. If you and your boyfriend decide to get married and set up a stable home to bring your child into, I wish you the best. I still wouldn't encourage it, because you are so young, but at least it would show you are committed to do whatever it takes to give your child the best family life possible, and that its not just about you. But you don't sound at all ready to start a family. Please wait. For your own sake and your child's sake. You'll never regret it. I promise.
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Rating: 5
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I sure hope you're right :)
I guess I am terrified that it won't happen, if that makes sense? I want children so badly, and deep down I know it's best to wait, however the idea of it never happening terrifies me because I do want it so bad.
But thanks. Your advice made a lot of sense & I appreciate your help!
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