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Hey guys, I'm a 19 year old female and my boyfriend is 21. We have been together for four year in September.. Everyone around us is getting engaged and we have been together longer than anyone of them. I dont know if im jealous or worried. I have said to him I want to be engaged, he said no. It makes me feel like he doesnt love me that much to marry me. He says he wants to marry me but wants to wait. I want a big wedding, huge dress ect.. I understand to wait for the wedding, but why cant we be engaged? He says he wants to be able to buy me a huge ring and make sure its beautiful, but I dont want/need that right now, just a small right so show hes mine.. Because of this I have decided to go away to school in the fall. Maybe to test to see if he is my "one" or just to clear my head and enjoy being 19.. Im not sure. What are your intakes of this? Am i right to feel "not loved" or do you all agree with him? (link)
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Trust me, 19 is not the right age to be engaged - I've been there myself (and all too recently, as I am 19 still!). It's always fun to dream about your perfect wedding, it's great to have something that says "yes, I am in fact taken, and this guy really loves me!", but there's nothing that says it has to be such a commitment as an engagement. So what if your friends are getting married? Do you have to schlep along like another little sheep and do the same thing because its what everyone else is up to? Getting engaged puts a lot more strain on a relationship for young people because you come to expect certain things of each other. You do things because you're engaged and not because you're with the man you want to spend your life with - the two are startlingly easy to confuse. "Oh well he did this so I must do this now." "She did that so now I have to do this." "This is what I should do because it's what all my friends expect of me." Don't worry about it! Other people should not be involved in your relationship or what you're doing with it. I got engaged at a (far too) young age, and because of that the relationship completely fell apart but we stayed together for a long time because "we were supposed to." "We're high-school sweethearts, we're supposed to get married and have 2.5 kids and get old together."
Everything in its own time dear. Don't push him into it, because pushing him will push him away from you. If he wants to be with you forever, then he will come to that decision on his own, in his own time.
Going away for school in the fall is a great idea in my opinion; not only will it give you two time apart to develop your own lives and persons, but it will make life far better for you both in the end if you do eventually get married! Go for it and enjoy being young! We only get so long before we have to take on all the responsibilities we can handle and then some.
Not wanting to get engaged doesn't mean that he doesn't want to be with you, and that's something that you should really try to think about right now. Take the materialistic aspects out of your relationship in your mind and see what it means to you then. He shouldn't have to buy you a ring of ANY size to make you happy. It isn't the only way to show you're his and he's yours! Heck, I wear a necklace that my mother! bought me because the stone in it (amber) makes me think of him. The necklace has nothing to do with him OR my relationship directly, but it makes me so happy to wear as just a little reminder of him, and everyone assumes its something he bought me because I wear it almost every day.
So, don't pay attention to what your friends are doing in their relationships. Don't worry about him "not loving" you - because he sounds like he does and you just want him to 'prove it.' Go have fun and get to school in the fall. See where life takes you, don't force the issue!
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Rating: 5
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If I could give you a higher rating, I would. Thank you so much. We both are in college, but we both went to a college in our town, so we have our future down. I'm going to be an RN and he's going to work for NASA as soon as he gets him degree. We've talked about the future, our jobs, I just wanna grow up now.. thank youu!
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