Dear Readers:
I think my life experience is what qualifies me to write this column. I made every mistake imaginable. But have learned from them. Most important I still remember what it was like to be 12, 13, 14, 15, and so on. Currently I am a single mom, I have two wonderful boys. One in college. We are all happy emotionally. We love life, and know that you can too. I try to be the kind of parent that understands. I know that I can help you to understand where you parents are coming from, and help you get over the difficulties of being young. You can even have your parents write to me and I will help them to get over their fears and at least respect you and your feelings. I have been married and divorced twice, so I have experience in that field also. But now I own my own home, and my own business and am successful. Lots of luck to you! Hope to hear from you.
Website: Ask Michele
E-mail: cobweb2@comcast.net
Gender: Female
Location: Connecticut
Occupation: accountant, internet marketing, creative writing
Age: 56
Member Since: March 22, 2005
Answers: 1331
Last Update: June 20, 2010
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My mom is very controlling and easily jealous. My freshman year of highschool I did very bad in school. Ever since then I have worked very hard. My cummalitive gps is now a 3.6 I worked really hard and pretty much gave up a big portion of my social life. I've always wanted to go to college away and live there. I'm a junior now and I was talking to my mom about colleges I'd like to attend. Her response was "what you can't leave me, if you go away I'm not giving
you any money for college" so I later said to her "me and Hillary are going to get an aparment and go to a college close by and it will be cheaper anyway." my mom says "what no I don't think so, your not living with her. If you two want to live at our house then that's fine and you should just go to the college down the street." it's literally right down the street, I could walk there. That was how the conversation was
pretty left. But then one time we were talking about where i'd like to live after college and I move out. I was like "when I'm older and married I'd like to move to south Carolina, or somewhere like that" my mom had a very similar response
to the one about college. I can't tell her when I have boyfriends or anything because she gets crazy jealous. She also tells me way too much and wants too much from me. This one time my friend and I were going to this concert we were excited about for months. The day before my mom goes "I don't really want you going there I'll buy you a new coach purse and matching wallet if you don't"..how could I pass an offer like that up? She does this all the time and I just don't
know what to say or do anymore...help!? (link)
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Hi Dear,
You're going to have to learn to pass up offers like a new coach purse and matching wallet. If you don't understand yet that all offers come with strings attached, then you will be accepting gifts from people who are up to no good.
You want your mom to change and become more flexible, less controlling, less jealous and less needy. Well she has to want to change, you can't change her.
But I agree that you should go away to college. (assuming there is money for that) And that of course you should spend some time sharing an apartment with a friend so you learn about supporting yourself and all the responsibilities that go along with that. You're mom should be encouraging you to do that. Not holding you back.
If you were my daughter and we working hard to keep your grades up enough to get into a good college, and/or were living on your own and supporting yourself by working hard, I would buy you a matching coach bag and wallet as a gift to show you how proud I am of you and to acknowledge that you are smart enough to realize that you have bills to pay and responsibilities, and they come first...before you can buy your own coach bag. (I hope I am making myself clear.)
Your mom's problems with neediness and control started long before you were born. You can't fix them. Be sure that she will also start to use guilt to keep you at home with you, when the promise of gifts stop working.
If you let your mom win this control game using guilt or wonderful gifts, you'll never have a life and you'll never be your own person.
Stand up for yourself. This world is a wonderful place and with an education you can go far and have control over your life and destiny.
Don't settle for anything less.
- Michele
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Rating: 4
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thanks..but i still don't know what to say to her? she gets so mad, and then won't talk to me for days.
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