Name is Layne, age is 17, occupation is babysitter. still answering questions on here even after 3 years is awesome, right? no, just proves i don't have a life. so. if you have a question, feel free to ask it on here or you can IM me on my screenname. i can answer most questions about the categories i have listed. i don't know much about sickness or physical health, or stuff to wear when your husband just died but the man who killed him, whom you're having an affair with, is going to be at the funeral. :) have a wonderful day.
Gender: Female
Location: Nashville
Occupation: Chimney sweep
Age: 17
AIM: laynemayhem15
Member Since: November 19, 2007
Answers: 744
Last Update: August 15, 2020
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Dear Advicenators,
My son is 25. He has a BS degree in electrical engineering and a decent job. He has some student loans he is in the process of repaying. As caring parents we told him he could stay at home after graduation to get a heads up on paying extra on his loans and we would not charge rent or anything like that. It has been one year now and I am finding it stressful that he is home. He is very unappreciative of anything I do for him. He is also rude to us and disrespects our rules and wishes in our own home. Needless to say, he isn't paying any extra on his loans and I have to constantly remind him to pay them on time. He has lived on his own at college and I feel like it's time for him to be back out on his own but how do I really know when it's time to tell him to leave? Signed a concerned mother (link)
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now, first off let me say, i don't have any children of my own, so this is purely opinionated, you don't need to listen to my advice, but this is what i think:
A) he's a 25 year old. he's been an adult for 8 years. he should be ready to move out on his own.
B) he's graduated college and has a decent job, again, he could be on his own.
C) he doesnt respect you as a mother, as most men dont when they live with their parents over the age of 23.
the thing is, its time to stop mothering him. he is a fully grown person and he needs to move out. if he doesnt pay off his loans on time, well thats just tough. thats life. if he doesnt learn to be responsible about this kind of stuff, he never will learn it and before you know it, he'll still be living with you when he's 40. i know you're his mother and you love him, but it is not your job to tell him when to pay off his debts and remind him to do so. really, all you're doing right now is spoiling him so he thinks he can slack off since he doesnt have to pay rent.
i say, you get him started. find him a decent, cheap little place and tell him that its time for him to leave, but dont be harsh about it. be sure to let him know that you love him and you'll always be there when he needs you, but you wont be around forever and he needs to start building up responsibilies. it will certainly make him more appreciative of all that you've done for him. i still live with my parents, and i'm not going to college. but i told them i want to be out of the house by the time i'm 19-21 and i DO NOT expect them to loan me money or baby me around as an adult, just because i need to learn the harsh realizations of living life on my own.
honestly, there is no better time then now. you know he needs to, so tell him. don't put it off any longer or you'll just never get around to it. just do it now. he may be a little pissed at first, but in time, he'll appreciate that you cared about him so much and prepared him for the future. and that's your job.
i hope this helped. :)
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Rating: 4
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good advice for a young person. Much thought and common sense have been put into this answer. Thanks.
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