Member Since: December 26, 2009
Answers: 10
Last Update: January 10, 2010
Visitors: 1927
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im 15 years old and in the 9th grade ive been best friend with this girl named rebecca, we've been best friends since 6th grade and we were pretty much inseperable! we hung out every chance we could, she's slowly starting to change though and now its like she doesnt even want to hangout with me anymore. everytime i ask her to hang out with me shes always like ''i cant im grounded'' or ''my moms being gay and wont let me do anything'' and then like 20 minutes later on myspace she'll post her status as hanging out with so and so! when she just told me she was grounded. why would she lie to me? i mean i understand shes going to have other friends but that doesnt mean she has to get rid of all of her old ones.i'd rather her tell me the truth then lie to me, if she doesnt want to hangout with me i'd rather her just tell me instead of her just making some lame excuse! i mean why would she tell me shes grounded and then post that on myspace when not only is she my friend on there but i was online too! im her only true friend and she treats me like dirt, she doesnt even talk to me at school she just walks past me and looks at me. she took me off her top and everytime i try taking to her shes really short with me expecially when shes with her other friends. i even bought her something for christmas i messaged her on myspace saying that i got her a gift and that if she wanted me to i would bring it by after my mom gets off. all she replied back with is i have a friend over and then she signed off! i still havent been able to give her gift, because she still has no time for me. i want to confront her about it but i have no idea what to say i dont want her to hate me because she is my best friend i just dont know what to do. i actually care about our friendship and is willing to do anything i can to fix it so any advice will help! (link)
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Please understand that adolescence is a time of deep loyalties and even deeper betrayals. I am sorry that your "best friend" has decided to dump you and does not have the courage to face you or to be honest with you about it. Sweetie, there is just no sugar coating for the lesson you are learning here.
It is painful and difficult to accept but Rebbecca is telling you that she does not want to be your friend anymore. Not best friends, not any friends. The cold hard truth is that Rebbecca is hanging out with new friends and she feels that you are cramping her style and she does not want to spend time with you.
I know that you are concerned with losing this friendship and are frantically doing the most desperate and self-sacrificing things you can think of to save it. It will not work. AND THIS BEHAVIOR IS BAD FOR YOU. She is gone and will not be back unless or until one of her new friends does the same thing to her.
And you can rest assured that Rebbecca will suffer the same fate at the hands of a "best friend" during her lifetime. Everyone gets dumped in this life. You are at the most vulnerable age both as to the severity of the dumping and your sensitivity to it. Please be gentle with yourself.
I am seriously concerned about your self-esteem. I would like to see you learn to be your own best friend. This requires a deeply ingrained and conditioned belief in your own value. I fear that you do not realize the great value that is you and how wonderful an addition you are to the world.
You must learn to tell yourself that you love yourself and that you are important and cherished and deserving of respect and dignity and you must never let anyone tell you differently or allow them to treat you as badly as Rebbecca has treated you.
When you learn to care for yourself and believe in yourself then the quality of relationships available to you will far exceed that of the Rebbeccas of the world.
Have compassion for Rebbecca but do not buy her any more gifts. Cut her from your friends lists and only allow those persons who treat you well to be your friend.
This is a hard lesson to learn. But if you can master this now at 15 then your life will be full and happy and your relationships will blossom and you will flourish and thrive and know love and companionship and the great value that is your human heart.
Please be very kind to yourself and write back and tell me how you are doing. I care about you. I really do.
Viniya
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Rating: 5
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Wow! that was really good avice.
Thanks for helping and I will definately keep you updated on what happens:)
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