Hi, my name is Charlotte, and I'm a 25 year old, college graduate. I really enjoy helping people out with anything I can because I know we've all got questions that need answers! I'm available anytime for your questions, and if you need any other kind of help, pick-me-ups or just a little understanding, I have a blog:
http://shrinkingmentals.blogspot.com/
Check it out or direct your questions to me and I'll do my best to help shed a lil light!
-Charlotte
Website: Therapy For Free: Because Shrinks Cost Too Much
E-mail: such.sweet.decorum@gmail.com
Gender: Female
Location: The United States of America
Age: 25
Member Since: December 17, 2009
Answers: 44
Last Update: January 12, 2010
Visitors: 4536
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hey..i been struggling for 5 months after my boyfriend broke up with me..i been really sad and dont know what to do :(...
here is my story am sorry if its too long..
ok we we lasted 2 yrs and 2 months going out but then he left to the dominican republic and he cheeted on me overdere with another girl...he posted pictures on myspace and when he came back i confronted him about it..he told me that was his cousin..but i actually got to talk to the girl and she told me that he was her boyfriend.my heart just dropped...i cant believe he actually did this to me because he loved me and he did alot of things for me...now he is here and he tells me to go to his house in the night so his parents wont see me ..but its just to have sex..i dont even want to go because i dont like doing those types of things with him...but its been 5 months since he broke up with me and my heart still hurts..its like its carrying a heavy pain..i cant seem to move on,its just hard for me, i try to let it go and not think about him but its hard, and no i dont go out because i hardly have friends here.am always stuck in my house.but can someone please tell me wat to do or do you guys have a similar story similar to mines..i appreacited .thanks :) (link)
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One of the hardest things about moving on from a relationship that we had a lot invested in is that we like to hold on to those "good" times, however many or few that they might be, and we pass over the really important things, like why we broke up in the first place. You went out with this boy for two years and two months, which is a long time to invest in a relationship. But he was unfaithful, which means that no matter how faithful and true you were to him, he wasn't to you. No matter how much he "said" he loved you, and even if he did love you, he did not care about your feelings or what cheating on you would do to you. He was selfish and was okay with it. When he came back, he only wanted you for sex and he knew you would show up, which further proves his selfish intentions.
It's like I tell people all the time, love is an action, not a feeling. We have feelings all the time. They flutter, they stutter, and they go away. People confuse love with passion. Passion comes with love and can continue if the love is real and stable, but if the passion goes away and there is nothing left, there wasn't love in the first place.
I read something a while back. A man was observing a couple who were in their eighties. They had been married for sixty years. The wife was in declining health, but her husband was a complete invalid, with full Alzheimer's disease. He did not even recognize the woman that he had been married to for sixty years. She lovingly washed him, fed him, and dressed him. She would show him pictures of them together and talk to him. Their relationship was long past the stages of passion and sexual intimacy. It was love that kept the woman taking care of a man who needed her but couldn't remember her. She did it faithfully even when he didn't know her anymore. That is love.
Now where does that leave you? You're young and when you're young, passion comes in every relationship. But it is love expressed in actions that cements the relationship.
The bottom line: He doesn't love you, he loves what you do for him. And you may have loved him and wanted to give him everything, but it was one-sided and those relationships are not fulfilling. We want to love, but we want to be loved.
You are worth loving and you should wait for that person who will show you that they love you, not only when they are with you, but when they are not. Like I said, love is an action. It is how we treat someone, what we do to strengthen the relationship that makes it fulfilling.
Find something else to take your mind off the toxic relationship you had. The good times you had do not overweigh the facts that you were taken advantage of. Besides, the good times were wrapped in selfish desires.
Moving on is a process and it takes time. We go through the same stages of grief with relationships as we do with death. We are sad, we are angry, we try to find ways to get it back, we accept it, and then we move on. Let it happen the way it happens, but don't dwell on it. You can't go back and change the outcome.
The bottom line: It will happen when it happens. Find ways to express what you're feeling. Listen to songs. Cry. Write about it. Then pick yourself up and move on. The point is to look forward for that person you will meet who will show you that he loves you and doesn't want anything back from you. Someone who loves you won't require you to do anything for them. They will want to do for you. You will find them. But move on from this bad relationship and prepare yourself for that person who will come along. It's worth the wait.
I hope this helps you and I hope it all works out!
-Charlotte
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