Member Since: March 22, 2009
Answers: 42
Last Update: April 6, 2012
Visitors: 3365
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Okay this will be very long so bare with me.
I am 16 a girl, I'm in both freshman and sophmore classes, they are mixed since I've had many absances, health, skipping, injury and I've fallen behind ALOT. I feel as if I'm hopeless I need help, I want to do better in school. I want to graduate, I need to graduate, I don't want to dissapoint my parents. I know I am...and I'm sick of it I need to grow up and do the right thing but not sure how to start.
So basically I'm failing all my classes, I have alot of homework to do, but I've missed so much I don't get any of it. Should I stay after school? I really don't want to, but dammit! I think I have to.
That covers one of my issues. Another is my family problems.
Ok, so I met this guy over myspace, we connected and all, he was 17 and turned 18. Now we've been together for 8 months, he visits me, he lives in Ciciro I live in Waukegan. There was a time when I'd sneak out to see him, he'd take his car and come out to see me, we'd never do anything sexual, until like the 12th time we were together our hormones got the best of us and well, I ended up giving myself to him. -.- He was my first. I do actually regret it, I was caught a few times later sneaking out, my sisters my mother and father found out, but they didn't know I was with him. My mom did, since I told her myself and what had happen, I tell her everything. Well my sisters later found out, since he was an idiot and consulted a friend of his, about it online and them being the stalkers they are, well they found out everything. My oldest sister didn't say much, she did ask me and well, then she left it at that. My other sister however, threatened to tell my dad, which isn't good. My dad's a bit of an a-hole type of man, he always says he's gonna leave us, for every little chance he gets. :/
So no doubt he'd use this as a reason to, he'd also told my boyfriend that he had to wait for me to be 18, but then well that happened and ugh. I'm not sure what my dad will do, our relationship has already been fairly awkward and rocky, seems as if we argue for every little thing. So my sister didn't tell him after my mother gave her a firm talking to. So time went by my boyfriend and I had problems, we broke up 3 times and got back together, well I broke up with him these times, because of all the problems we were having. All this emotional shit, has got my stomach in a knot, and my emotions all swirled in a big whirlpool of confussion. I haven't a clue what to do, how I feel. I'm not sure if I even love him anymore. The distance, the problems, I'm so freaking confused.
I worry that he doesn't love me, he says he does, but sometimes I feel as if sex is the only thing keeping us together. But then other times I remember why I love him and shit like that, what's wrong with me?
Before I went out with him there was this other boy, a very close friend he was younger than me, is. He's 14, I don't know. We both liked each other alot, it was obvious plus he had told me and I had told him, we still do. But I don't know what to do. I feel torn apart. It's like I wanna say I love my current boyfriend but now I'm not to sure, and sometimes I think the only reason I stick with him, is since I gave him my virginity, but when he comes to visit me I do feel the love we have/had.? But we only see each other what, 2 or 5 times a month, we speak every night on the phone. But he ignores me often, too busy playing video games, or on the computer, watching t.v., then I don't know it bothers me. He says he loves me, I don't know. I say I love him, once again I don't know. Am I just stupid? What's wrong with me? This other boy, the 14 year old, he's still young and at a fickle age as am I...but I have strong feelings toward him too. My boyfriend and I, we always get real sexual, it's ok in the moment since I'm hot and heavy but afterwards I feel sad and don't know why. :( I'm pretty sure this isn't normal or good.
Ok, so a few days ago I asked my mom to get me the birth control pill, for more reasons than one. To have a ligther period since mine are very bad, and since him and I are active I'd feel better if I had it. She bugged out, but said ok. She then tells me she's going to tell my dad, he doesn't know a thing, he still thinks I'm a virgin. So I'm nervous and to be honest I'm a bit scared. I don't want to get my boyfriend into trouble, I have a feeling he's gonna try to do something because of the age difference. I'm a bad kid aren't I? :[ It feels as if I'm a huge dissapointment to my whole family, my sisters, my mom my dad. My mom was 14 when she got pregnant with my first sister and my dad was 21 when he got my mom pregnant. So I'm only guessing they don't want me to go down the hard path they've been through. I want to take it all back, but I know I can't. I feel like such a selfish stupid brat! And I hate myself alot right now.
I need to concintrate on school, sex to be honest I really don't think much of it, I want to please my boyfriend. I think that's why I always go along with it, I also don't want him to cheat on me...I'm guessing this is wrong, right?
What should I do? My sisters are dissapointed in me because of this, they both lost it when they were 18, and I at 15. It's horrible right? But I'm not the onlyone I know for a fact, but still I feel so guilty now, since they look down at me and all. I don't know what to do. I feel helpless.
Sometimes I feel the easiest option but most cowardly would be death. I haven't tried, I'm to much of a wuss, but I'm gettin there, I can feel it. All this stress is overwhealming.
Please don't tell me to go see my school counselor, that's not an option, or a real therapist, that's also not an option. No money and no time. School, is bumming me out, I'm sinking deeper and deeper, it's a feeling where I'm gasping for air and no one is around to throw me a floaty. What do I do?
Do I still love my boyfriend, was I ever even in love?
How can I make my family view me as normal again, instead of just one let down after another?
Is it ok to not want to have sex with my boyfriend eventhough we've been together for almost a year?
Will he leave me?
Should I even care?
Should I break up with him?
This other guy, my close friend, why do I feel so attracted to him?
It can't be love right?
He told me he loved me, I wanted to say it back but didn't, should I have?
Is it wrong that I sortah want to leave my current boyfriend and give this guy a chance?
How do I get back on track with school?
Should I talk to my teachers?
What do I tell them?
My dad?
Will he hate me?
I just...don't know what to honestly do, I'm at such a lost, so empty and all I can do is cry.
I feel as if I'm just a screw up and the world would be better off without me.
Well there you have it, please be honest and tell me what you think. 'Cause I have no clue what to do. Past expiriences if any, or such things amongst that would help. Thanks in advanced, I'm also sorry for all the questions and for any type'os I've missed. (link)
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from the sound of things you REALLY shouldn't have a boyfriend right now. The drama with your current one is making it even harder for you to focus on what you seem to really want--self-improvement.
Stay after school and ask the teachers for help, get tutoring from one of your smarter friends if they're able to do it. You have to MAKE time if it's possible at all, even if it means breaking things off with your boyfriend. if he does love you he'll understand. The same goes for your friend. He'll understand you can't be with him because you're too overwhelmed right now, because he loves you.
It sounds like your boyfriend is just staying with you for sex right now. And you may realize that, which is what is making you feel so bad.
There's only one chance to get through high school. You're determined so you can do it. You just have to force yourself to do the work, take the time to understand the work..
Suicide isn't an option, ever. I felt that way before, and I was so happy that I didn't, because I'm so happy right now. "The night is darkest before the dawn." It took a long, long time to get to this point, 3 years for me, and there were lots of falls back into darkness along the way, but I'm better now.
Talk to your parents, even if they yell don't yell back. Stay calm and mature, tell them how you feel, right down to the point you feel that your relationship with your dad is off, and you don't WANT it to be that way. You don't want to be a disappointment to them but you don't know how to go about that. Tell them everything you told us. Your dad may still not understand, but your mother seems like she would.
This song is my favorite "uplifting" one. It's from a Christian band, but doesn't ever mention god so if you're not religious it shouldn't offend you. I doubt it's your kind of music even, but the lyrics are really really great... When everything feels like it's too much, I listen to this on repeat.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gOpjuB0zAko&feature=related
I'm really not that great at advice, but I've felt lost before so I tried. I had to. If you want, always feel free to ask me a question about something I've said or something. My internet connection is a joke, but I'll make answering you and being with you my top priority. Being lost sucks. It happens to lots of people, and lots of people, including myself, get through it.
You're not terrible. They shouldn't be looking down on you. The fact that you want to change is proof enough of that. Truly terrible people wouldn't give a d-mn.
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Rating: 5
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Thank you very much, yes sad truth...but I think I will have to do that. I need to focus on my studies, that's what's most important to me.
Thank you.
I'll keep that in mind, thank you. It's nice to know people are there for you, even if they're kind strangers. That song, it's nice I look into them more, I've heard a few people like them before and my music list is a mix off all.
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