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Gender: Male
Location: South Carolina
Occupation: Student
Age: 26
Member Since: September 27, 2009
Answers: 13
Last Update: October 10, 2009
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My parents are having some really bad marital problems right now. It sounds like they are going to be getting a divorce soon, but they are still living in the same household with me and my little brother. I am 17 and my brother is 15, by the way.
My parents are always fighting and they sleep in different rooms. My dad sleeps in the living room on the couch and my mom sleeps in the bedroom. I have my own room and so does my brother, by the way. Mom just started working nights while my dad works mornings so they just don't interact any more than they have to.
Two days ago I found my brother smoking pot. I know he's 15 and lots of kids his age are turning to weed but, let's face it, it isn't good and it isn't the best way to cope. I know he's stressing out over Mom and Dad but drugs can lead to serious problems in the future. Weed is illegal, too, and I don't want him to get in trouble with the police. He begged me not to tell Mom or Dad about it and confessed that he's been smoking pot for like 2 months now or more.
I want to tell my parents because it just isn't good for anyone. They need to start paying more attention to us, I think. I don't want my brother to find safety in smoking weed. I want him to be able to rely on the family.
What do I do? How do I tell my parents what is going on with my brother? How can I explain to them that he's turning to drugs because they are not here for us any more and haven't been since they started fighting? (link)
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I really think you're going about this the wrong way. Your intentions seem good, but I get the feeling that you're very close to making a bad situation even worse. Your parents are already stressed out, working a lot, and not communicating very well. The last thing they need is to find out that their 15 year old son is smoking pot, but it's their responsibility so they do need to deal with it sooner rather than later. Your brother is very young and it seems like he's turned to weed to A) deal with the stress of the situation in your household and B) to experiment with something that a lot of his friends are probably doing. Contrary to what a lot of people on this site will say, it's honestly not the end of the world.
I get the feeling that you, more so than your brother, are craving your parents' attention. It seems like you're almost excited to tell them about his new hobby because it'll get their focus off of themselves and back on to you guys (more so you). Unfortunately, that's not going to work. You're not going to be the hero. Not only is your brother going to be very angry with you, but your parents will be even more stressed out. I'm sure you love your brother, but it's not your problem. This is your parents' news to find out. I would suggest that you talk more openly with your brother and get into his head. Find out what's going on with him before you get him in trouble and make his situation even worse. With his parents fighting and his sister ready to sabotage him, no wonder he's turned to smoking pot.
Maybe if you show your brother some support and let him know that he can come to you with his troubles, he won't need to turn to pot to unwind. You're right, he does need to rely on his family, but why would he do that if his family feels more like soldiers in battle than a support system? Talk to your school's guidance counselor and get their opinion on this matter. That might help you and your brother out a lot. Let a professional deal with these issues while you deal with being 17. I'm sure you have a lot of stuff to figure out too. Maybe talking to the guidance counselor can help with that as well. They might contact your parents and help set up some kind of family counseling, which could benefit everyone. Don't be afraid to open up about you. You count too.
I'm sorry that your parents are fighting so much and that they're not paying enough attention to you and your brother. Instead of talking to them about him, talk to them about how you feel. Maybe that will help ease some of the tension and help remind them that in addition to taking on the roles of husband and wife, they also took on the roles of dad and mom. Regardless of how their marriage works out, they need to get their priorities straightened out immediately. I don't think you guys should take a backseat to their frustrations. Also, when I was a very young teen, my parents decided to divorce and I was very happy about it. It relieved a lot of tension in my house and everyone was so much more peaceful. Sometimes divorce can be a healthy step to take.
Good luck!
PS: Smoking pot has never killed anyone. It's by far the most normal thing mentioned in the question you asked (most people experiment with marijuana at some point in their life and it's much safer than many drugs prescribed by doctors - cigarettes, alcohol, caffeine, and junk food are far more unhealthy and much more dangerous to a person's life span). Just keep an open line of communication going with your brother and make sure that his experimentation doesn't go any further than weed. If you find out that he's doing anything else, disregard what I said and tell your parents about it immediately. If they don't do anything, tell your guidance counselor as well. As of right now, there's no need to panic. Just talk to him about it. He needs you. :)
Update:
Are you sure your brother is the 15 year old and not you? I've never communicated with a more uneducated and naïve 17 year old in my entire life. So let me get this straight, you blame weed for the death of your two cousins who decided to get high and drive? Would you also blame a cell phone for their deaths if they died while texting? Is no one in your world responsible for their own actions? You're unbelievable! Also, you make a comment suggesting that there's something wrong with me if I think weed is natural. Um...you do realize that marijuana is a natural herb that grows just as organically as tomatoes and apples, right? It's not like it's some man-made substance meant to rot the minds of the youth of America. As for me needing to live somewhere else, it's been predicted that marijuana will be legal in the state of California as early as 2010. Just like with gay marriage, other states will follow. You really need to lay off the Disney movies and get a dose of reality. No wonder your family is falling apart - none of you can face what's right in front of you, so you run away to something else. Your parents avoid you guys and each other by working odd hours and sleeping in separate rooms. Your brother avoids his true emotions and numbs himself with pot. You avoid the truth and make up "facts" to get yourself through the day. You and your family need help. Good luck finding it.
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Rating: 1
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Pot is a very harmful substance and you should stop promoting it. Many things grow in nature that humans are not to ingest, even, let alone smoke it. Many, many things that grow in nature certain animals cannot ingest or they will die. The point is, just because it grows "naturally" doesn't mean it's healthy and safe.
Don't believe me? Look up the facts on NATURAL plants that can kill humans when ingested:
http://www.factmonster.com/ipka/A0932504.html
http://scienceray.com/biology/botany/ordinary-plants-that-kill/
http://webecoist.com/2008/09/16/16-most-unassuming-yet-lethal-killer-plants/
http://aggie-horticulture.tamu.edu/plantanswers/publications/poison/poison.html
Smoke inhalation, of ANY kind, is never healthy for your lungs or your body because it deprives the body of oxygen to begin with. Again, new medical studies are finding that weed may actually alter vital DNA structure within the reproductive area. These damaged DNA structures can be passed on to your children. In addition, women who smoked weed during pregnancy give birth to babies that have increased risk to mental retardation and may exhibit withdrawal symptoms outside of the womb.
Needless to say, I am changing my rating to your answer to a 1 because telling me to allow my brother to continue to smoke a harmful substance is harmful to me, my brother, and the rest of the site that may read it. For note, it's currently NOT 2010 and your predictions are just that. It's 2009, where weed is still very much illegal in the U.S.. When it becomes legal, please feel free to suggest the substance to your patients when they are feeling low or under the weather. I'm just certain that it'll fix all of their problems so they don't have to face them. I mean, you ARE a therapist, right?
I will also be filing an abuse report.
You need to look up the facts for yourself.
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You're completely wrong. I am trying to keep my family a FAMILY and not 4 strangers living in the same house.
And smoking pot has killed people in various ways. Typically the same as cigarettes kills people (yes, it damages the lung) and alcohol kills people (you can make REALLY stupid choices when you're high and wind up, for example, in a car crash). I know because two of my cousins died from a car accident when they were high.
I have also read that it can alter a person's DNA somewhat in the reproductive sense...but that isn't too serious now, is it?
If you really think that weed is normal you really should find a new place to live. Weed is like any ILLEGAL drug. Weed IS a serious problem and can damage you in more ways than we even know at this point. Please, grow up and see what you're saying.
Marijuana is prescribed by doctors when people are dying, typically, or they have a SERIOUS condition in which the doctor feels the patient may die. A doctor doesn't just say, "Oh, really? The Xanax isn't working? Here...go smoke some pot!" Get real.
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