Member Since: September 24, 2009
Answers: 9
Last Update: October 7, 2009
Visitors: 1646
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19/f
I've been with my bf for almost a year now, and he's incredible: kind, funny, sweet, smart, ect. We have a healthy sex life and it feels like I'm in love with my best friend. Our relationship isnt lacking in the least.
Recently, though, my ex asked me to be back on speaking terms with him. He's known as a man-whore, and the whole reason we broke up in the first place was because he's a known cheater. We've begun talking and I feel really weird about it.
I have no romantic attraction to my ex at all, but there's something that's compelling me to get physical with him (which he's trying to do). I've been able to deny him for a few weeks but I'm really afraid my resolve is getting thin.
I do NOT want to cheat on my bf, and I feel horrible for even thinking about it. I just need to convince myself that my ex is a scumbag, but for some reason I'm still drawn to him.. I don't know why.
Please don't attack me. I feel guilty enough and I haven't cheated on anyone ever. My bf is the LAST PERSON I would EVER want to hurt. So I need some assurance that I can get through this, and advice on how. Thank you.
-M (link)
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Have you ever heard of oxytocin? It's a hormone that's released in the brain when you have sex with someone. One of it's effects is to bond you to the person you're having sex with. It's also responsible for bonding women to their babies when nursing.
Women produce much more of this hormone than men. It's what gives you that warm, fuzzy feeling about your partner during and after sex. When oxytocin is released in your brain during sex. The look, sound, and smell of your partner is imprinted on your brain.
After that, whenever you see, hear, smell, or even think about that partner, a bit of oxytocin is released in your brain making you want him again.
If you remain in contact with your ex, you're going to keep getting releases of oxytocin. Cut contact and eventually the effects will go away. It can take months or even years for these effects to go away depending on how long you were with him, and how close you two were.
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