Member Since: September 18, 2009
Answers: 19
Last Update: December 10, 2012
Visitors: 2194
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Basically, when I was in fifth grade I began self mutilation. It's been on and off ever since then. I'm a sophmore now. When I was in sixth grade I was at my worst, I cut every day. I cut over everything, anything that somewhat upset me. Eventually one of my friends found out, told everyone and someone went to my school guidance office and they then called my parents and what not. My parents would try, they truly would. They put me in counseling but I just could not open up to them because I truly have no trust in those people.
In seventh grade, I barely ever cut. I think I did maybe about, 5 times at most. In the summer going into eighth grade I cut myself one time. During the school year I didn't cut a single time, but I did however get involved with smoking weed. Only on occasion however. Once or twice, not too bad I guess. During January of this year (2008) I was sent to the hospital for OD'ing. Suicide has always been in the picture, since the beginning of cutting.. I have had numerous attempts at suicide. But for the first time, my parents actually took notice and I spent the night in the hospital.
In ninth grade, I attempted to OD I believe twice, but I didn't let anyone know. I just wanted out. I'm no longer suicidal, in fact death scares the shit out of me. But I have begun cutting again.
I don't want to get help from strangers, my parents, friends or family. I want to get better myself because each time I would receive help from someone else, it did nothing. That last time I cut myself before I fell back into the habit was the summer of eighth grade, going into ninth. The last time cutting since I've fallen back in, less than an hour ago.
I can't help it, I truly don't know what to do. I need to stop, and I recognize that. Self mutilation doesn't solve anything, it makes things harder. I know the first step is to admit, blah blah blah. But that's not true. I need to stop, and I need to now. But I can guarantee if I don't get some sort of ways to not do it, it's going to keep happening. (link)
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hmm this is tough, i have been through self mutilation before too, and its hard to stop..so i understand, now what got me to stop?..well it was by me expressing myself in different ways..maybe you dont have to talk it out with councelers or anything, maybe writing a journal or writing poetry or writing about the way you feel. because isnt the reason for self mutilation is to let your feelings out?..or to just feel numb?..or maybe i am wrong, i am so sorry if i havent helped. i have had this problem too, and worse but its all the same. therapists helped me out a lot but not everything works out for people. yeah its good that you want to do this by yourself..so maybe try one of the things that i suggested, see maybe if it works. whenever i felt sad i would take sleeping pills so i can hopefully forget once i wake up..sometimes i still do it now..but we will both get through this..nothing can tear us apart. and you have to start loving yourself, because another reason why i would do self mutilation is because i always hated myself and got angry at myself whenever i got upset, even when it wasnt even my fault...anyways i have to stop. sorry, hope i helped a little. :)
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Rating: 5
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I do it to control my pain. It makes me feel empowered because I get to choose how hard, deep, where it goes, etc. For once I'M in control, not someone else. If that makes sense?
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