I love books and I love to give advice to people when they ask me. I am very well spoken and i tell you the honest truth. i don't just tell you on a whim, I actually process your problem and see how i could help with it. Solving problems aka drama's is something I do constantly with my friends.
Member Since: March 8, 2009
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Last Update: December 10, 2009
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I have been living with my boyfriend for 5 years now. He is 41 and I am 24; we have overcome a lot of obstacles and personality conflicts, but most of all was his alcoholism. His drinking has been a problem in the past; he used to humiliate me in front of his kids and call me names and kick me out of 'his' house; but the last couple of years it has mellowed out to just an annoyance. He no longer triesd to kick me out of the house; and he doesnt talk shit about me to his kids nearly as much when hesdrunk - but, i confess, it still does happen occassionaly. Despite all of that, I am still here, in a house with BOTH of our names on the lease; and we are now engaged and we would have celebrated our 5th anniversary together 2 days ago. Trouble is, he never came home on our anniversary. He knew I had plans for us to go out to dinner and that I was home waiting for him with a gift. After worrying all evening, night, and the next morning; I finally got a hold of him. His excuse was that he got drunk, swore to me there was NO other woman around, and that he crashed at his daughters house. The next day he went away for the weekend on a job 300 miles away. He apologized profusly over the phone and told me he feels horrible for putting me through that heartache and that I deserve so much better than him; but that he wants to make it up to me. He promised to talk to me the next day in more detail; but failed to call me. When I finally got a hold of him, he was telling me he is 'done' and I need to move on because he will never change. After a couple minutes of hearing this, he switched to saying he wanted to talk to me when he got home about it and that he did love me; and that he would call me later that night before he went to bed. Now he is out with his work buddies at a bar (he left his cell phone with his son who told me) after telling me he would call before bed. It is 1AM and he still hasnt called. His actions and his words arent matching and I am so confused. I love this man with all my heart,I have made him my whole world, but I dont think I deserve all these lies and deceptions. Especially since everything seemed normal up until our anniversary. I dont know if I have the strength to leave him; but I dont think I can accept this behavior any longer. I haven't even had time to react properly. Ive just been crying wondering what I did wrong or what I could do to get things back to normal. I think after 5 years, this relationship is worth saving; but why would he get so destructive and then constantly start lying to me and breaking my heart? I really dont think he was cheating, I believe he would just tell me he was so the breakup would me easier. But I cant be positive. But I jsut dont understand or even know what to do! I dont want to become the psycho girlfriend who keeps calling every 5 minutes; but waiting for him to come home to finally discuss this is killing me, and I feel like Im going crazy in the meantime. Does anyone have ANY advice on how to handle a self-destructive man??? What can I do to make everything go back to normal?? How do I find the strength to move on and start a whole new life after 5 years? (link)
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age difference is hard to get used to especially when he is in his fourties. it might just be a phase that he is going through i am not sure if it is in their fourties or older if men have midlife crisises.
the fact that he keeps you on the edge is never good, he should at least do what he say's he is going to do. i think he is right, he isn't worth it because no man is worth crying over unless he is about to die or is dead.
don't be the psycho girlfriend just do something different. like when he is out and say's he'll be home don't be home because it might mess with his mind a little saying what did i do to make her like this.
this is not your fault don't ever think that it is. it is his fault because he is doing this. if it really bothers you use force on him tell him something that would scare him enough to stay and listen to you.
the sad thing is you might have leave him, it is going to be tough but at least he isn't getting drunk and insulting you. moving on isn't easy either just stay with friends or parents or family. people that you know will help you cope with this heart break. then try getting back out there.
i hoped i helped you, good luck.
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Rating: 5
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Thanks for your advice. Having someone on the 'outside' of any relationship helps give perspective. You've given me much to consider and I appreciate it. Thanks again!
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