Member Since: April 27, 2009
Answers: 6
Last Update: April 28, 2009
Visitors: 1448
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In short, there is a guy that I still really care about. We met when I was in 9th grade, had a complicated relationship for a year, then my mom decided that she didn't like him and 'banned' me from him. But we continued meeting, she found out, we had a blow out, and then I ended up cutting off all connections with him. It's been a year since I've talked to him & I still really miss him and love him & he's been trying really hard to try and meet me but I've been ignoring him the best I can. I really don't want him to graduate high school thinking that I don't want to talk to him. I really miss him and I want to start seeing him again desperately. But then there's my mom. I don't know what to do. She won't listen to me; she doesn't care; she doesn't think that 16/17 yr olds are capable of feeling emotions other than angst and false love. I don't know if I should just try and let him go (after a failed year of doing so) or see him against my mom's wants [of course, this will involve her not knowing].
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You won't like this answer.
Teenagers are quite capable of feeling lots of emotions. The problem is, they feel them all the time, all at once, and can't keep feeling them about the same people or things long enough to keep track of them. I've been there, I know how it feels, and I employ teenagers now and see them going through exactly the same things.
I cannot tell you how many times I was in love as a teenager. I can tell you though that each one was a devastating tragedy when it didn't go the way I wanted it to. Yet somehow I've managed to survive - and somehow I managed to get back on the horse and have another little melodrama further down the track.
Anyway, your mother knows you a hell of a lot better than you think, because you're half her and she's been through what you're going through herself. And don't kid yourself that it's all different these days. In years to come, if you're lucky enough to have a good relationship with her (if you're smart enough not to alienate yourself by ignoring her), you will laugh with her over this and other teenage dramas, and she'll tell you about the ones she had in her teens. It's all the same, only the clothes are different.
Remember when you were a baby and you cried when your parents had to take things off you because you might stick them in your mouth and choke on them? No? You probably don't. But I bet they do.
Have you ever, in your teens, discovered that you enjoy a food you hated as a little kid? Life's a lot like that as you mature. Your tastes are developing and so is your ability to judge the good men from the bad. For the time being, take good advice while it's there.
I'd say it's entirely likely that this is a similar situation. They're in a better position than you to judge. I'm not saying you're a baby, but you don't seem to even understand that she might have a better perspective on this than you. I haven't noticed the faintest clue that you might even ask her why she's banned this relationship. You just seem to want to go behind her back.
Maybe this boy isn't going to break your heart, but maybe he's just got all the hallmarks of someone who's going to hold you back or suck you into whatever trouble he gets himself into.
Every year, parents forbid their teenage kids from doing stuff which the parents think might be unsafe. And every year, teenagers complain they're not taken seriously enough by their folks. I was annoyed with my parents that I couldn't hang out with my mates who had a car. When I was 15, two kids at my school died in an auto accident, including a friend of mine. My parents were overly cautious, I thought, but now I realise it was for a reason.
People your age will agree with you that your mother should see your side and you should find a way to get what you want. But I tend to think she might have a point, and you should find out exactly what it is she doesn't like before you decide she's wrong.
It sounds like the sort of answer you're looking for here is just one which agrees with you. It sounds like you're going to do what you want either way. Well - don't ever complain that your parents weren't looking out for you if you reject their advice, which is only ever given with your best interests at heart!
I've been a teenager. I've been that predatory, horny teenage boy. I'm in my 30s now and have a daughter of my own. I suddenly understand why my parents wouldn't let me hang out with certain kids when I was growing up. And I look back at pictures of myself as a stupid teenage kid and realise that no matter how much I thought I knew it all back then, I was totally clueless.
You'll look back on this when you're my age and laugh, and think how silly you were making it an end-of-the-world drama about this boy, when you haven't spoken to him or had anything to do with him for more than a decade.
Your mum has been a teenage girl and has experience you would be well advised to try to learn from. Of course, there's nothing better than your own experience, but then not all experiences are good. Maybe your mum has an identical experience of her own - maybe she ignored her mother, and got hurt. Maybe that's why she has banned you from this kid.
You will ultimately do what you want - but I get the feeling this boy will be your own little lesson and the reason you one day ban your own daughter from seeing a boy you just don't like. Just don't get knocked up.
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Rating: 5
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I'm just very confused right now.
I've already tried to talk to my mom about this at least 4 or 5 times [& I wasn't being a melodramatic teenager]. The reasons she gave me were all really stupid: "His mother looks like she got an eye lift; I don't lke his mother" "His brother is weird, I don't want you around him" "He can't sit in one place for more than 5 min. He's too hyper" "He goes to another school" "He's friends wtih the girl that I don't want you to be with" I don't know. I just find those reasons of hers to be trivial and silly.
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