I am a wife and a mother of three grown sons. I live in New York and am an equestrian. Most of my free time is spent riding and caring for my horses now that my sons are out of the house.
I give down to earth advice, as I tell it like I see it...and I've seen alot.
Gender: Female
Location: New York
Member Since: January 17, 2009
Answers: 281
Last Update: September 11, 2011
Visitors: 19513
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19/f
I am 19 and my parents dont really allow me to do much. I feel like a child. My friends all make fun of me for being under such close watch and not being allowed to go places and do things like most 19 or 18 year old do, because i always have to ask my parents and hope that they will permit me to do something... I have no freedom. I've fairly recently gotten in trouble for trying to go out, because I said so, and I was like... its time to stop being controlled by my parents and get out and have some fun.
I had to deceive my parents so that i could do what i wanted to do. I couldn even leave the house without my mom looking out the door to see who was picking me up and to see if they were there yet...etc.... I didnt know my mom was going to follow me to the door, so that foiled my plan. I was going to walk up the road, but my mom was like "no, tell your friend to come pull up infront of the door". And then she saw that it was a male friend and not the female friend i told her it was. I got in a lot of trouble and got yelled at and lectured.. Now my parents say they dont trust me and i cant go anywhere or do anyyything. My friends say "you're 19, you can do what you want....etc."..
I want to know if it would be f***ed up or not if I were to just slip out the house and move one day and not tell my parents anything until I get there. I want to live with a certain guy, but, i mean, when i am ready to move in with him and when i'm sure thats what i want to do. And I will call my parents from my new residence, or better yet text them and be like "umm.... yeah.... i moved..."
They dont even want me meeting with this guy. They dont want me to meet with no guy or do anything. And I am so tired of my parents! I need to get away from them! I'm not going to even bother with introducing them to the guy, because they wont want me with him cuz he's 22 and i told my mom a little bit about him and she's like "you dont need to be with him. you dont need to be with anybody. You need to focus on school and focus on gettin yourself together first (work on myself in terms of anxiety problems etc.)" They just want to keep me as their boyfriend-less child for as long as they possibly can.
And I dont want to bother with telling them i plan on moving out. So do you think it would be messed up if i just moved out, and in with this guy, and just told them about it after the fact? Just so they know what happened to me.. and that way they cant do anything about it (link)
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There are unanswered questions. I assume you're in college. Do your parents pay for school? If you left, would they continue to pay, or are you self supporting? What if you moved in with this guy and it didn't work out? Where would you go? Can you support yourself?
I know you are anxious to gain some independence, but you should think it through. If you depend on your parents for your existence, then you really can't do much about things because all support could stop if you walk.
Do you really like this guy or are you looking for someone to get you out of the house?
I'd say, get yourself self sufficient and then you can move out because you can live on your own on your own terms. Your parent do seem to be a bit too controlling, but they just want to ensure you don't get off track in school and in life in general. Don't move in with this guy unless you can survive on your own without him. These situations can change before you know it, you've got to handle all the bills on your own. Be prepared to do that before you move out, otherwise, you may find yourself begging mom and dad to let you come back home, with even more restrictions, because they will view you as making bad decisions.
UPDATE:
You really do need to get answers for you anxiety. I personally, don't feel medication is the answer, but you must deal with this problem before dealing with anything else. Guys or school. If it prevents you from working, which is a normal part of life, then it can creep into many other areas of life and truly become debilitating.
What happened in your life to cause you such anxiety? Spend some time thinking hard about where this anxiety started and what could have caused it. Getting away from your parents should not be your goal in life. Getting your act together so you can function in society should be your main goal. If you think about it, your anxiety is covering up all your talents and abilities. God only knows what you're capable of if only you didn't have this problem! Tackle it big time. You need to free your mind up for bigger and better things. Something tells me you're the type who will go places.
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Rating: 5
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I have financial aid for college so i'm not depending on my parents to pay for it. but i dont even plan on continuing with school. I know, i know,... its good to go to college. But the thing is, I have really bad anxiety problems, and that stands in the wasy of me succeeding in school. it makes it hard to even bring myself to attend classes. I did well my first semester (except for seminar that i failed, because i had to do a presentation infront of the class and i stopped going... and obviously never did the presentaion), and then I've screwed up 3 semesters in a row. I rrrreally cant deal with going to college. I've seen a Dr., I've been prescribed meds, I've tried going to therapy sessions.... I have not gotten any help. It might be really hard to understand why i have such problems going to class, but for me it is a big problem that i need help for... school is too much apprehension and axiety. And not just normal anxiety, but excessive and serious anxiety. This problem also stands in the way of me getting a job. ...So I cant go to college...get a career...work...nothing ... I'm worried that i wont be able to support myself, and I know i have to but for me certain things are just so hard. My anxiety is an obstacle that stands in the way of things in my life. I dont know what i'm going to do in my life. I dont know what i caaan do.... If i move in with this guy (after, of course, I'm sure that he is who i want to live with), then i will be happy, (unlike i am now), and he can take care of me.... I want to move in to be with him because i really want him, not just because I'm just trying to get away from my parents (even though i would like that).
But what do you think i should dddddooo?? .... please help me =[ *crying*
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