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advice

My younger sister (22) and I (24) have always been pretty different and disagreed on many things. She is an extremely devote catholic (she intends on becoming a nun) and I’m really, just not. For the past few years we always just agreed to disagree and to not talk too much about things we know will only upset us both and disrupt family gatherings. This really works as far as I’m concerned: I don’t need to argue with her and I’m okay with disagreeing with her.

The trouble is lately she’s gotten downright belligerent about it. She sent out an e-mail to a whole bunch of people that included a lot of ‘facts’ about intelligent design and young earth (basically, she said evolution was nonsense and that the world is only 6,000 years old ‘cause the bible says so). I sent her (just her, not her whole list) some links that dispute that and point out some of the problems with the evidence she said she had of the world only being that old. Some of the stuff she included was just untrue, and I thought she should know it. In the past she’s always been pretty reasonable and we could have these sorts of conversations, even though we both know we disagree!

In response, she e-mailed everyone in my family telling them that I am going to hell, that I’ve rejected God, and that they should force me to move in with other more faithful family members because I can’t take care of myself and that I might do drugs or other awful things if someone doesn't stop me... and I could kill her! Not only is that bullshit! That was really painful for my parents, and grandparents and aunts and uncles to read! Some of them are religious and some aren’t, but it was still frightening and hateful and upset them! My littlest sister was in tears about it and asking everyone why she hates me.

I’m really livid! I don’t even know what to do with this much anger. I haven’t responded to her, although apparently my mom had a talk with her and told her that that was not cool, but I’m kind of at the point where I never want to speak to her ever again! I just think she’s a nasty, stupid, little monster for doing that.

Does anyone have any advice on what I can do about this and how to approach it? I just want things to be okay for my family. I don’t need us to all agree, I just need a bit of respect. Obviously I’m never going to try and talk sense to my sister again, but what do I do now?

Relgion is always a controversial issue and has been known the seperate the closest of families. I am glad that you standing your ground and not giving in to your sister. She has her right to her beliefs, but you also do! It was completely immature and inappropraiate for her to send an email like that to everyone in your family. Completely out of line. You were fine for responding to her with links and your own opinion.

You really need to speak with your sister though, face to face. You're both older and in your 20s, so the conversation should be mature. Let it be known that you have the right to your opinion and she has the right to hers, but not to involve family in your dispute. The argument is between the two of you, and it always has been, and to bring in the rest of the family is unfair. Your family should not have to pick sides. Say you were hurt by all the things she said (about you going to hell, etc) and didn't feel that was right. Let her know you would never talk to her that way or make her feel bad.

If you don't talk to your sister, none of this will be resolved. It's also a good idea to get some input and advice from family members of how to handle it all (without having them feel like they're in the middle) Good luck!

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(Rating: 4) Thanks. You are right that the conversation *should* be mature. Lets hope it is.
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