I am a wife and a mother of three grown sons. I live in New York and am an equestrian. Most of my free time is spent riding and caring for my horses now that my sons are out of the house.
I give down to earth advice, as I tell it like I see it...and I've seen alot.
Gender: Female
Location: New York
Member Since: January 17, 2009
Answers: 281
Last Update: September 11, 2011
Visitors: 19491
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Well, I have lived in a marriage for 28 years. It has been very rocky since day one. I have learned that my spouse cannot have intimacy. I have known this for some time. We have had counceling(one year) and it was getting better, but now, he is back in is shell again. We have never had intimacy, Only sex sometimes, usually none, and now, none for 3 years. He is a good person, I guess this is why I have stayed. I have left 3 times and go back. I am so so so lonely, I dream of being happy. I dream of being with someone that I can laugh with and cry with. I feel I am to old now, at 52 and female, to be starting over. I guess I feel bad for him. We have nothing in common, and all these years, I have lived the most lonliest life ever. He is a hard worker, but that is all. (link)
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After all these years, he's unlikely to change. It's entirely up to you to decide whether or not you will continue to live like this.
That said...do you have a life outside the home? You don't say whether or not you work, have hobbies, friends, outside interests. Sometimes if you have other interests to occupy your time, emotions and mind, relationships can be more tolerable and can actually seem better than previously thought. Sometimes that longing for intimacy can be completely erased when you find something else (not another man) to replace it. An interest that becomes a passion.
If you're set on staying in the marriage, then I think you must accept your husband for who he is and move your own life in a positive direction. Don't have a victim mentality. Your life does not have to revolve around this issue. Go out and make an exciting, fulfilling life for yourself. After all, life is so much more than the man in your living room.
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Rating: 5
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Your right, he isn't going to change. I do keep busy,I have a 15 year old adopted son, I love very much. I do live my own life, but it just doesn't replace that want and longing for someone to be there, and be my special someone. I am planning a curise in Sept. to Italy with a friend, how much more fun it would be if it were someone special. I have what they call 'mindful moments'. I make sure I enjoy the important things of life. Thank you for your advice, I am grateful for it. I will use it.
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