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January 14, 2009Answers:
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March 5, 2011Visitors:
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advice
This is long, so please bear with me.
I've been having some issues with my future brother-in-law (I'll call him J). He and my fiancee (I'll call him S) are twins, and had a closer relationship than most brothers. S has been fine about putting me first, but J views me as an intrusion on their relationship. No matter how many times S or I try to put J in his place (i.e. me BEFORE J), he just doesn't get the idea. He still sees it as him and his brother against the world.
S and I recently had a small tiff in the car while J was present. It was little, and we resolved it later on. A couple of days later, S and I found out that J had been telling everybody in his family (I mean everyone from siblings to parents to grandparents) that I was mistreating S. Now, everyone in their family thinks I'm nasty and not good enough for S. They've been discussing me and our relationship behind our backs. Basically, the entire family avoids real confrontation, so they won't say anything to our faces, but they love to gossip.
I've been invited to dinner at their house for Family Day next Monday (a holiday in ON), and I really don't want to go. The whole family made me feel entirely unwelcome for weeks, and have not apologized to myself or S.
Should I go and deal with the judgmental in-laws, or hold back for a while? How should I deal with this? And how do I get J to stop being so childish?
If it makes any difference, I'm 21/F, S is 22, and so is J. S and I have been together for 2.5 years, engaged for 1.
well i would say go, because if you don't they might think it is true, explain to 'j' that he does play an important role in you brothers life, but so do you, tell him that you are not trying to erase him out of the picture, you merely want to have room to breathe.
hope fully this helps!
(Rating: 5) I think I might go.
As for talking to J, I've been telling him that from the start! He's just really thick.
Thanks!