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hello. im 16 years old, turning 17 after 1 month and couple of days and a female.
well if you wonder what i look like, you would notice my piercings, um black hair , dark brown eyes, almost pale skin, tall enough.
well i hate something called depression, i\'m always happy but not really from inside, i want people to help me out and tell me i\'m fine and i\'m not going to go insane well i know that part i mean i\'ll never think of suicide or something that\'s stupid no! i need to solve my problems
well first of all i tried liking my sister, i tried convincing myself that i just don\'t like her now because she is being a bitch but i lover her because she is my sister , but the truth is i can\'t just lie to myself so for the first time i\'m going to admit, i thought of murder before , i\'m not some psycho person who is gonna murder someone no i just thought of murder before and i thought of murdering my sister and that i would feel so good about it.
i have two insane parents who made me to choice between them and if i choice one of them i cant speak to the other , i choice my mom because i can drink and smoke at home, i actually love them both but i hate them also the same level both, so i dont like my mom more than my dad or something no! but my mom gives me freedom more than dad
well common factors between them is
both alcoholics , i dont care i have drinking problems myself which i\'m gonna discuss
both got caught with rolled cigs in there cig packs i wasnt shocked at all honestly just pretended to be
i live in a house, ughh i cnt even know where to start, i bet if you come over you might go deaf , you know i wish one day would pass peaceful, the o nly days that would pass p eaceful is the days i would sleep all morning of a sleeping pill
i love my brother well i loved my brother until i got to know him and i found out he is a total asshole , he is my half brother btw (mom got married three times and dad two times) active people haa??
ookay next to m y feelings and problems enough with my parents problems thats getting to me
on christmas i went to a party , i had too many drinks like all the time , i made out with a very close friend of mine and we dont speak anymore
on new years after midnight i was one year single cuz my boyfriend dumped me after midnight exactly , i was drunk and he called me, we made out in his car and i gave him a blow job (first time ever to give a blow job or see a real dick before)
on jan 8 my friend\'s birthday, whom i made out with in his bathroom , and gave him three lovebites o n his stomach but
before that (you know when u get drunk and you happen to tell someone , something that is bothering you well, it happened with me but with the wrong bitch) i told this gurl what i did with ma ex because i felt guilty and she told everyone , when i was making out with the guy in the bathroom, he asked me to give him a blowjob , well me being stupid thought he was just asking but then i got it, after i found out everyone is been talking (didnt give him the blowjob because he is an asshole )
after the party , my bestfrined wasnt speak to me from new years event , and i totally broke in tears infront of him, (drunkkkkk btw i never cry infront of people or i never cry ever) and i punched the wall that made my little finger bone go above the other one , and the operation is gonna cost my mom 3000$
i lost my ipod, 50$, make up bag and my friend\'s phone (the make up bag and 50 $ dont matter but i lost them ) i dont remember how and when?
i always say i\'ll stop but next day i drink
im drinking everyday, i got a d- on my math exam because i had a hang over and for sure the night before i didnt study
on nov 21 i said \"i\'ll stop weed\" i did but on new years and jan 8 and 2 , i smoked up
i cant get professional help because my mom thinks its totally fine, its a teenage time and laughs about it , she thinks its normal
please anyone tell me something useful, ive been helping alot of people on this website but i cant help my own (link)
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I dont believe in medication. You just have to work on yourself thats all. Also your body is still changing. You should do the things that make you happy. I have gone through this myself and still do. I enjoy taking picture with my camera and watching silly chipmunks and birds. I think you have to challenge yourself with something, do something you thought you would never do or think you could never possibly do. i think you are just bored of the same old same, so get out there and do something new.
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