I'm going to try to shorten my life story, so here it goes;
When I was a kid, my life was literally perfect. Of course, a lot of people's are when they're a kid. But everything was just so perfect and now, within the last couple of years, my life has changed so drastically and I can't get a hold on the fact that that's just how life is. In the past couple of years;
-my parents got a divorce because my mom cheated on my dad
-my brother (I am VERY close to him) has been on and off drugs and was sent to an insane asylum and Juvinille detintion center for aggravated assault.
-My brother got his girlfriend pregnant and they ran away together. He recently came back and is under house arrest.
-My dad really dislikes my mom but my mom is really ditzy and thinks life is fine right now.
and there's more. I'm not saying all of this for pity, I'm really not. I'm sick of pity, because I've probably got it better then most people out there. But apparently I am my family's therapist or something because everyone talks to me about everything. I'm only 14! My dad tells me how much he doesn't like my mom, my mom tells me how screwed up my brother is (which is bull, because she never talks to him and doesn't even know him that well), and my brother tells me all of his thoughts. I love him to death, but his thoughts are scary, even to him. He's extremely screwed up, and he knows it. He's told me so many things and I just feel like he needs real help. I can't say what he's told me, because he trusts me, but I will say he's very bipolar, he's very depressed, and he's suicidal. I could not live if he killed himself, I'm afraid I would lose it. He's described to me very graphic things he's thought about. I just don't know if I can handle any of this stuff anymore. Everyone's always known me as the optomistic person who gives advice, but I don't know what to say when it comes to all this.
All of this makes me continuously think back to my childhood and miss it. It actually hurts to think back to then, remembering how great it was then. There's just so much going on right now, I feel like running away or something. Not because I'm running away from my problems, but because I want to run away from what's going to happen to all these people if they continue thinking the way they do.
And on top of all of these feelings, many of my best friends don't know what they're doing, because they come to me for advice too. Of course, their problems are quite minimal compared to my families, as most of them are just about typical teenage girl stuff, but it's still like adding leaves to the fire. Everyone comes to me for advice and no one just stops and helps themselves.
I just can't handle life anymore. Not meaning to sound suicidal, because I'm not. I also don't think I'm depressed. But I believe being so nostalgic might continue to hurt me until I am depressed. I feel like I'm wearing a mask, different for everyone I talk too and I can only be myself when I'm nostalgic. Please help, I'll rate you or whatever, I just need help.
sweetie your much too young to be handling all of this. i can't imagine how you deal with it. first off. your parents need to stop putting you in the position where they constantly VENT at YOU. you didn't do anything wrong dear. also i'm confused as to how many brothers you have. one or three. and how old? anyway i know what you mean when you say your their therapist. i get so much shit from my bf who i love to death. but anyway. tell your parents you cant handle them constantly venting in your direction. or just don't let them. leave the room. do something to distance yourself from the noise in your house. i would continue to talk to your brother. but remember, everything he is telling you is his burden to bear. not yours. but that doesn't mean you can't help him. you just can't fix him. just listening is enough. if you don't know what to tell him. tell him you don't know. hugs are often appreciated. and helpful when dealing with stress. and talk to a friend, if you can. that can be really really hard when they don't know or understand whats going on in your life. but if you need someone to talk to
lostinmyundefinedsoul@yahoo.com
or
http://www.myspace.com/xxxxxxxxxlostxxxxxxxxx
good luck
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(Rating: 5)
Thank you so much. You are really helpful :)
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