My name is Angel, and I love helping people. I'm anything but perfect, and I don't expect anyone else to be. I don't judge, and I don't try to make peoples choices for them. I simply try to help in the best way I can. I've been through some very good, and very bad times in my life. They have sculpted me into the beautiful mess you see before you today.
I'm here for anyone who needs anything I have to offer, so don't be afraid to ask, or vent. Whichever will help.
Gender: Female
Location: Georgia
Age: 19
AIM: ahappebrunette
Member Since: May 23, 2008
Answers: 64
Last Update: May 26, 2009
Visitors: 6674
Main Categories:
Love Life
Music
Families
View All
|
| |
I'll be the first to admit that I'm completely taken advantage of. Everyone describes me as the "nicest person they have ever met". And I couldn't agree more with them.
Making people happy is my main focus in life. It's always others before me. I'm there to comfort my friends, pay for everything(I have given a friend $2,000 to get a car when my own car is completely broke), drive them places (including three hours just to comfort them), do the stupid shit to make them happy (ex: make them crafts, bake them cakes..ect.), the word "no" does not exist in my vocabulary and provide or find entertainment for them when they are bored. It makes me feel so good to do so much for them.
At the same time being nice is my weakness. I have a love hate relationship with it. I love seeing people content and happy with their life. I see how much value I put into people but they usually don't realize it. Lately I've been crying about this because I'm not sure how to handle this. I've had things stolen from me, people ditch me, using me for my kindness, only calling when they want something or when it's convient for them. I "thought" I had friends but when it comes down to it I couldn't be more alone.
I can't say "no, I won't help you" or leave anyone stranded. I have tried to confront people about using me before but it only makes the situation worse. And I was never raised to be mean. Does anyone else have this problem? And for the people who actually do have a back bone...can you provide suggestions for me?
I always tell myself karma will be good to be someday. But I'm finding my optistic views slowly thinking otherwise.
Thank you! (link)
|
Being nice isn't your weakness, it's not knowing when to mean thats your problem. Up until i was seventeen i lived to see everyone around me smile. I just wanted them to be happy, because if i made them happy, then they had to love me right? I mean i was the reason they got what they wanted.
It's not like that though. People arn't as good hearted as you are, and thats the first thing you have to realize. These people arn't asking you for help because it's their only option, they're doing because they know you'll be there.
I can't tell you to just stop helping people, because that'd be crazy, and it wouldn't be you. I think you need to find a healthier way to go about it.
Start back by making a list of the people around you that you've helped out in anyway.It might take a while.
Now get a higlighter and highlight the people on that list that have done something for you. And don't worry if isn't alot...most people arn't helpers.
Now we have a place to start. You know who your true friends are. Those are the people that you can help without asking any questions. They're your friends, and thats what friends do.
As for anyone else on that list...the next time they call to ask for something i want you to ask this first.
1. Whens the last time we talked?
2. Who did you call before me?
3. Why do you think i should do this for you?
They seem like harsh and heartless questions, and maybe you don't have to ask them out loud, but as long as they go through your head...its a good start.
Finding your backbone takes first finding a reason to have one. When you know someone is using you, use that pain to tell them No. Just tell yourself...I'm not gonna take this anymore!
The first step is standing tall...even if you're on the phone. You need to remember you have a spine. This step will serve you well.
Next ask them why they need your help? Or better yet why do they have noone else?...is it because they are to selfis?
Now you have to do the hardest part. Say no. Believe when i say i know how impossible this seems, and you wont feel any better after you've done it. It'll hurt and you will feel horrible. So why am i telling you to do it?
well thats the easy part. Your addiction is helping people, and like every addiction you have to take those painful first steps to recovery. it'll hurt the first time you do it, but in a few days it'll hit you, you just did something for yourself that the other person would have never done for you...respect you.
And thats what it all comes down too. You have to learn to respect yourself and your own worth. People are followers, and so when they see you not respecting yourself, its in their nature to do the same thing. So once they see you treating yourself right then they treat you right.
and if it helps, the thing that got me through was realizing the best way to help some people is to let them learn they can help themselves.
And as a side note, you might wanna think about signing up to help at a home for the elderly. It'll fill that hole that saying no left, because you'll know your using your energy to help people that not only need it, but that appreciate it. Most of them feel just like you, abandoned and unappreciated.
|
|
Rating: 5
| |
Thank you very much for that wonderul insight! It is very, very hard for me to say "no". But I'll definitely try all of those steps and work my way up to it! :) Thank you again! You were very helpful :)
|
|