My name is Angel, and I love helping people. I'm anything but perfect, and I don't expect anyone else to be. I don't judge, and I don't try to make peoples choices for them. I simply try to help in the best way I can. I've been through some very good, and very bad times in my life. They have sculpted me into the beautiful mess you see before you today.
I'm here for anyone who needs anything I have to offer, so don't be afraid to ask, or vent. Whichever will help.
Gender: Female
Location: Georgia
Age: 19
AIM: ahappebrunette
Member Since: May 23, 2008
Answers: 64
Last Update: May 26, 2009
Visitors: 6679
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18/f
I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, and I love him, but we started our relationship with him choosing my best friend over me, and later he cheated on me, chose other girls over me, sided with other girls if a conflict ever arrose, lied to me about being with girls who were awful towards me, etc. This was a long time ago, and he has been amazing for over a year. He's been so good to me, and I know he loves me, he deserves to start over. He is not a bad guy, he just made mistakes and learned from them. Unfortunately, I think it has affected me beyond repair.
Because he would "crush" on other girls, I have an overwhelming sense that I'm not good enough for him. And because these girls are rail thin, I constantly feel too fat for him to ever be attracted to me. The fat is, I'm not fat, so why do I feel like a cow 24/7?? He has made comments about the way I look, and I'm sure he meant nothing by them, but because of my insecurity I am overly sensative and get upset. For example, during Halloween I was trying on sexy costumes and asked if he liked them and he said "These are just not for you they don't look right I don't like them" I immediately asked who they would be for then, but he just shrugged... I assumed he meant I was not sexy enough for them, because they were not incredibly slutty or ugly they were all cute. I have come to the conclusion that he is not attracted to me and just loves me because he is comfortable with me. And I wonder if he thinks about other girls when we're in bed, or wishes he ended up with them instead... He's the type that would never say anything, and stay w/ me to be nice.
This is causing so much trouble between us. For example, I have become so digustingly jealous of EVERY girl he talks to, looks at, or knows. I know I shouldn't, but I get so upset when any girl talks to him. THIS IS CRAZY. I was never like this before :(
I feel ugly - but I have always been so confident in myself. How can I stop being so insecure???
p.s. I tried telling him that I feel like he isn't attracted to me and he didn't say anything at first, then when he started to compliment me it sounded so fake and forced. Now I am embaressed whenever he says something nice to me because I think it is only because I told him to. I sound so crazy, please help me before I push him away :(
and why do other guys think I'm hot, but my BOYFRIEND, seems to not care? :(((( (link)
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It's hard for me to tell you this because i know it's not the answer you want. I don't think he's the one for you.
I'm not saying that people don't change, because it seems like your boyfriend has really tried to be better, and i honestly believe that people do change. But i don't think that changing his actions will ever fix all the trouble it's caused you.
You'll never be comfortable with your boyfriend or ever truely trust him again. And with him you'll never love yourself. What kind of life is that? Spending the next thirty years wondering if he wants out, or if you're worthy of him.
I think the best thing for the both of you would be letting go. You've already displayed how impossible it is to go back.
it's hard to walk away from love, but sometimes we have too.
You might not see it like this now, but the truth is, if you are not the one for him, then he can't be the one for you. But some guy out there is. Someone who will put you first, never want to stray, and will think you are sexy after fifteen kids and one too many twinkys. you just have to have the courage to take the chance.
If you're deadset on making it work, you have got to realize that you have to let this insecurity go, without trust you'll never have a healthy relationship. But i don't honestly think you'll be able to do this with your boyfriend.
i hate to sound cliche, but certain sayings are popular for a reason...your boyfriend has just put forth too little too late.
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Rating: 5
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this is great advice, I printed it out just in case I needed a reminder later down the road. thank you
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