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Just a warning, this is gonna be long. There's a lot of background that I'm trying to make more concise. I'm 20/f, he's 23/m.
So...I've been in a really effed up relationship for the past three years. The worst part is that we really loved each other. He broke up with me because he was having depression problems, and that kind of emotional drowning that we were both feeling for each other was too much for him to handle. We took the titles off, but we stayed together. We tried a couple of times to actually break up but it never worked. Then we kind of regressed to a "friends with benefits" type thing because we both knew there were feelings there, but neither of us could handle having a title on our relationship at that point. He wound up living with me for a short while, and I gave him a copy of my key because I felt weird about him being at my place, then maybe leaving and leaving my place unlocked. I never asked for it back after he was able to go back home because I thought of him as my best friend. He knows me like the back of his hand, and I know him just as well. I felt totally comfortable around him, and trusted him completely. I was in a horrible car accident a couple years ago and he was the only person who was able to drive me around and not cause a panic attack.
Now...when we lived together, we didn't fight at all. We had fun, we laughed, we cuddled at night, and talked all the time. It felt like the way our real relationship should've been.
But his brother goes through periods of loving me and hating me. My guy has to deal with his brother talking shit about me all the time when he hates me, and sometimes it gets to him. Don't get me wrong, I know he's a wimp for caving, but I also get where he's coming from.
The more we're apart, the more "we" diminish. The less we see each other, the less we see each other, and the less we see each other, the more we fight. It hurts, but I've finally gotten to the point where I feel kind of...numb about the whole thing, like I don't have it in me to care anymore. At the moment, I'm avoiding him and avoiding talking to him because I feel like I can't say anything without some of this coming out, and I'm not ready for it to, I don't think.
I felt from the moment I met him that he was my soulmate, and I still feel that way, but I'm scared because I feel like I'm pushing him away and I don't know what to do about it.
I keep thinking I want to ask for my key back - and I have, but every time I've asked, he's turned the conversation away, or managed to make me forget about it in some way. I asked him point blank last time I saw him, "Are you still planning to hang onto my key?" and he said "Why not?" I didn't know what to say.
"Because we're not really friends anymore"? "Because I don't feel like I trust you"?
Both of those things are unfounded, I have no reason not to trust him - he hasn't even tried to look for another girl since we "broke up" the first time in 2006. He never cheated on me, he never lied to me. He can't lie to me, I always know. I'm the same way. I can't even convince him I'm happy when I'm not, and that's part of what I get paid to do, be happy and make people smile.
Anyone have any thoughts? I'm not really looking for specific advice, I just kinda need some new ideas, or something. I'm stuck...or maybe I just don't know what I need to do now?
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Well, by avoiding him, you are DEFINATELY pushing him away. If he keeps your key, that means he has a reason to want it. Good or bad, you will have to figure out. My advice would be to go after the brother, try to become his friend, dont hound him on the fact that he hates you. A family member can make or break a relationship, many people have to learn that the hard way. if his brother is whispering things in your guy's ear, he's more likely to subconsciencely listen to him because they go way back. Become the brother's best friend, and then those whisperings will be to your benefit.
also, becoming 'numb' to the thought, is not always the best thing, not only will it make you seem hostile towards your love (among others) but the pain you aren't allowing to come to focus will blow up in your face later on down the road. your mind is like a chimney, it HAS to vent. (or you are going to have a serious fire on your hands)
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Rating: 5
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All valid points. I've tried to befriend the brother, I actually met him first, and we were friends. But like I said, he'll go through weeks where he calls me to go hang out or work out, or whatnot, and then weeks where he's telling my guy how much he hates me (my guy tells me this, and I ask what the hell I'm supposed to do about it, since I do nothing to make the brother hate me).
Argh. Thanks.
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