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I don't judge. I've seen a lot, and the things I haven't, I'm always open to listening to. I want to make a difference.

advice

This is the day after a disastrous holiday with her and we have come to a mutual decision that we don't want to see each other anymore. We always had a difficult relationship due to her ferocious temper and mood swings and my inability to deal with them. While I did love her I always ended up feeling inadequate around her, because according to her, I seemed to get so many things wrong. This came to a head during this holiday, which we went on after I had been away at uni for a year. I was apprehensive about spending a whole week in her company but went really to keep her happy. She had been sniping at me throughout the holiday, saying that I was ringing my boyfriend too much (once a day, she conveniently forgot the whole trip was based around her wanting to go and meet an ex of hers) We were supposed to go for 6 days and on the 4th we had a huge argument where she acted as though the fact that we couldn't find the hostel we should have been staying at was my fault even though we had been given faulty directions. After ringing home to get the correct phone number, I got correct directions, but she was still annoyed. I asked her what else she wanted me to do and we argued. This culminated in her screaming at me in the middle of the street and stalking off, leaving me in a city I didn't know, alone with no map and no phone (it had broken earlier) I was stuck in a phone box having a panic attack (which i am prone to) and had to ring home for help. I got to the hostel and it turned out she was there. She continued to shout at me, and I told her about how I was scared of her and her temper. I said I would go home the next day (earlier than planned) and she said she didn't want to see me again. Not only did this grate on me, as I felt I had more right to say this to her, I now feel very depressed. I hate her now, and I know that when I stop hating her I will still not want to see her but I can't help feeling sad and everything seems to remind me of her. How do I stop thinking about this awful week.

First of all, I'm really sorry about the situation you're in. It was very kind of you to even go on the trip with her, and the way she reacted to things seems pretty unreasonable. Honestly, I think your mutual decision to not talk or anything is pretty smart at this point.

While it hurts, you have to know this is the right thing to do. Putting yourself through this trouble/hurt for the sake of a shakey friendship, really isn't worth it. There's a lot better out there, and tying yourself down to something like this will only prevent you from finding the good. You have to know that, and try to keep it in mind when you're feeling sad at all.

What I can say to do right now is just to distract yourself. Think of the good times you had, and accept that there were also bad times. Talk to other friends about this, and see how they help you out. Realize the good in your other friends, and see what else there is to be offered to you.

If you feel like you need closure, which could help you stop thinking, write a message or letter to your friend, and then cut off communication. Say exactly how you feel, and don't hold back. If you're not talking anyway, it won't hurt, and will probably help you feel better. It's almost like saying goodbye, which is very sad in a way, but it will give you the sense of peace you probably want.

Assuming you do that, and continue to think, get yourself distracted. Do things that either clear your mind or fill it up. Read a lot more/go out with friends/watch movies/etc. In a while, it won't hurt so much to think about it.

XOXO
KAT.

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(Rating: 5) thank you, that was great, am doing all the stuff you said and it's helped :)
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