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I feel stupid. All the time. Embarrassed, unworthy. You name it. I have such low self esteem. And all my friends are just so perfect. They have perfect hair, perfect bodies, perfect social life, perfect boyfriends. In fact, I don't even know why they are friends with me at all. And I'm not jealous of them. That's so not a part of any of this. This has to do with me. I'm just saying that being surrounded by them just seems to make my life seem even worse.
I can't seem to do anything right. I mess up every friendship I have. My parents told me it's because I always drop everything if there's a friend in need. I support my friends to the extreme. They always take priority. This is because I don't want them to think I'm not a very good friend because I don't want them dumping me again and again and again. But, they never reciprocate the level of support that I give them. I just, can't seem to...do anything. I'm so stupid for even having friends. So so stupid. I shouldn't have any, because I'm selfish for expecting them to show their support for anything that I do. I feel as though I don't deserve their support, but I have to keep giving mine to them because I feel like they deserve it. I don't deserve it. I don't know why I would. They've made it pretty clear that I don't deserve anything from them.
Sorry if this is confusing. It's late, and I'm tired. But this all made sense in my head. It's just harder to get it out on paper...well, computer screen. Whatever. (link)
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One thing I'm certain of is that you need NEW FRIENDS...... Why are you even friends with these leeches? What kind of people do you hang around? They keep you around because you make them feel better about themselves, that's why. It's an evil reason, but girls really are like that. Another thing, they are NOT perfect. Nobody is and never will be. What you see on the surface may look perfect, but everyone has their flaws and secrets on the inside.
No relationship, friendship or love, is worth putting in 99% and receiving 1% back. It looks like you give it your all because you want to feel worthy. That's not the way to go. It only makes you feel like you're not good enough.
Are these really the kind of people you want to be around? People who make you feel bad about yourself? You need to surround yourself with positive, encouraging people. Friends who bring your spirits up instead of down. You are NOT selfish for expecting them to support you. That's what friends are for.. that's the role they're supposed to play in your life. They're supposed to BE THERE for you.
In my opinion, you are the perfect friend; you just haven't found YOUR perfect friends. I hope you make a change and find new friends soon, because what you are doing is only hurting yourself.
Best wishes
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Rating: 5
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It's just so hard you know? Like, I really do feel that if I don't give them everything, they'll just not want to hang out with me. I want so badly for them to hang out with me considering that they're all I've got. But thank you, this helped.
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