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advice

m/24
Lately, my girlfriend and I keep fighting. I get the distinct feeling that all her comments like I don't take anything seriously (which I only seem to because she takes everything seriously, and I thought that was something about our relationship balance, I'm mellow and she's rigid).

We had a fight about names for kids (which I think shouldn't have been a fight since we haven't done to make children a factor in our lives). She thinks I never compromise anything while she has to give everything up.

Near as I can tell, I've compromised on more stuff like her. I freaking skipped out on a family member's birthday to help her find her wallet. I'm still making up for that in the eyes of my parents.

I'm a patient guy. I try to be understanding. But I need to know if all these stupid fights are a sign that she doesn't want to be with me anymore, even subconsciously.

Help?

Relationships have ups and downs. There are going to be disagreements, differences as well as distance.

Balance and imbalance - When relationships aren't balanced, sometimes it's a plus but ONLY if it benefits both partners. I'll give you an example: I am an accountant, therefore I am good with money. He isn't good with money at all and so he knows this, he gives me his money instead of him doing what he wants to do with it. In the past that was argument material - but now, it's not.

Take a look at what you are arguing about? Is it petty stuff, like not taking out the trash? Is it major stuff like, trust issues?? If the arguments and fights can be resolved, worked out and made to balance out where both are gaining instead of one person gaining, then work it out and stop thinking that she wants to leave you. If the fights are started up for one to have a reason to vacate and leave, I would question her desire to be in a relationship with you. If you are the one initiating it, then I question your desire to be with her. Also, since you posing the question, ask yourself is it actually you who wants out?

People who are in relationships don't tend to just say I want out of this.. they allow things to happen that throw up signals- like more arguing, fighting, change in conversation, change in activities, change interest and attention - if these signals are happening, then yes she most likely is desiring to get out of this with you and doesn't want to tell you, and so just ask her. If it is you, then tell her that you want out of it. Either way, be happy.. work it out or leave it alone.

PLEASE refrain from throwing up and/or comparing what you have done for her or if you have done more than she has done.. When something is done in a relationship it is done out of love, once it's thrown up or compared then your efforts or deed mean jack and become less appreciated, which in return make you feel like you aren't appreciated- which leads to another fight! TALK, TALK, TALK.. discuss what's being felt and LISTEN to what's being felt and come to an agreement to stay or stray. Let her know that it's cool if she wants to leave you, and that she can tell you that without any retaliation, or revenge or yelling.. that's why people keep it in, so that they don't have to go out with a big bang.

Keep it real! good luck in whatever you two decide.

[view]

(Rating: 4) Fact is, I want this relationship to work. She constantly starts the fights, and even worse, as you've said, she tends to push it to where she's gaining instead of me.
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